Hi GUss :)
Ok, well it isn't going well...what IS she doing to help the healing process?
If you believe there is more to her story (one time in three years, many of us have heard that...) sit her down and tell her that.
As far as your demands go, you say you are staying for the kids.
What does a marriage look like when you stay for the kids? Can you define it? Itemize what you want and need going forward?
Do you love her and wish R was true?
If you are not getting what you need then IMO it doesn't hurt to lay it all on the line.
Write all your demands out...what you want best case scenario. Don't settle, let her know what you need.
I know you want to stay for the kids, but a healthy, happy, loved Daddy is an amazing role model for a child.
oh, the anniversary, be good to you and do as little or as much as you want. Go to dinner, take the kids, see a movie...make it a family night even.
But take care of you, please.