it was really shitty of him to exasperate the whole "she's really hot" thing. does he take a lot of worth in appearances himself? is he that shallow?
maybe he'll be embarrassed. maybe it's shame. maybe it's him worried his words will come back to bite him in the ass. maybe he's more worried about how the OW looks (and how that reflects on him) than how you feel, regardless of her appearance...
[This message edited by unfound at 4:21 PM, March 21st (Friday)]
Your WS is using your words against you.
In counseling the subject came up and he said " to be honest, I thought it's what you wanted to hear" because awhile ago I made a comment to a friend when the whole "if my husband cheated" subject came up and I made a joke saying something like well she had better at least look pretty Damn good...
You should ask him if he would like it if the tables were turned...if you found someone else "really hot"...and then screwed them behind his back...?!?
At some point you would think that your own husband would know what to say and not say.
Truth is good, don't get me wrong. But these kind of comments are meant to injure you. Make no mistake, he is rubbing your face in your comment.
All wide eyed..."She was REALLY HOT" what a douche'!
I really take offense to a person that you let close to you, where you have been intimate, you have let yourself be vulnerable...then they take your comments and turn them around to clobber you. Hate that. Makes you guard what you say.
So now you live with a person that you have to guard your comments for fear of anything you say being used against you. Did I say I hate that!
Sometimes you need to realize when people really don't have your best interests at heart.
I mean I know that cheating on you is a great clue...but you may consider hanging out when someone who treats you and your emotions with disdain.
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
he isn't that into appearances even with himself
no, I mean really hot". He looked me dead in the eyes when he told me this
He knew exactly where to hit you so it hurt the most.
I on the other hand have always has an issue with my appearance.
Well in the beginning when WS was willing to do the things I need
If he is not still doing them, why are you still giving him the time of day? He's playing you like a fiddle.
Please, please realize you are giving him a gift. He's throwing it in you face. He's using your insecurities to keep you in thrall. Always, YOU ARE THE PRIZE! Personally, IDC what your outward appearance is. You posses the greatest beauty of all. You are faithful, steadfast and honest. What in the hell did he ever do to deserve a gift like you?
He has yet to fully get it. He has yet to accept it himself. I have given him my dealbreakers but he hasnt acted on them. I don't think he believes I will truly leave, but I will, I'm just preparing myself emotionally. He wants to just move past this. But I cannot. I'm doing pretty good detaching. Usually I have a hard time denying the physical intimacy and last night I even had a few drinks, so the odds were against me. But durring the whole kissy face time I couldn't really "feel it" or get into it. So we stopped and I asked him not to touch me. This has never happened to me before, it felt foreign. it felt so weird kissing and touching him. I really do think this is a sign I am detaching. I couldn't help but think while I was kissing him "why does this feel so weird?" ""Where are all the feelings that are usually flooding my body and heart right now? "I don't want to be intimate anymore, why?"
It was Soooo weird. But in a way I'm proud of myself. I've been with him since I was 15 and I associated our sex with love, not healthy I guess but maybe I'm starting to lose some of the love for him because he doesn't fight for me or his family?