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Finally filed for divorce

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Roxyme765 posted 3/21/2014 17:34 PM

So I have finally filed for divorce. I feel like I really gave it all I could. After a year of going through this hell I need out.

My main problem now seems to be a common theme with so many others here. Just feeling jaded. Though I know it's not always true my feeling on love stands as this: what is the point? Loving someone and giving yourself to them completely is giving them the power to completely destroy you. I feel that I have such a wall erected around my heart currently and he will always be the one who has the only ammo that can still penetrate my wall and never miss my heart.
I feel like it is going to take me years to get over all that he has done to me. And in addition the poor decisions he continues to make.
I know that I am ruined for any man that might love me in the foreseeable future because I am so jaded. I feel like I just still want to wallow in my self pity.

All I have.... Is nothing.
All I've treasured... Is dust.
You came at me with no warning.
You've broken all of my trust.

Where do I go now?
What path is the right to follow?
You handed me a fist full of glass.
Why look confused when I can't swallow?

I built my world around you.
Hindsight points to bricks.
Oh if only I had known big bad wolf,
I wouldn't have chosen sticks....

[This message edited by Roxyme765 at 5:36 PM, March 21st (Friday)]

HurtsButImOK posted 3/21/2014 18:58 PM

I am sorry that you find yourself here. Its certainly not somewhere that any of us thought we would be.

Its normal to feel jaded, sad, frustrated, bitter etc during the process of dealing with the betrayal and fallout.

I may be an optimist but I believe that if I do the work to deal with the trauma of infidelity and divorce I will come out of it better and stronger. I will be more able to not only love deeper and more fulfillingly, but also to pull the plug early when a relationship is not healthy for me.

((Roxyme765)) and welcome to an awesome place of support.

cantaccept posted 3/21/2014 19:00 PM

Roxyme765,

Your words pierced my heart. Did you write that? It expressed my feelings so eloquently. Painfully beautiful.

I feel jaded also.

Every person I meet now, I wonder, "who are you really?"

I used to be so trusting, just took people at their word, believed they were who they portrayed themselves to be. Now, I feel like I don't trust anyone. Only those that I have known for years that have proven themselves to me.

No words of advice, no clue how I will be. Just in the same place. I had my first court hearing yesterday.

It is hard to face the changes in yourself. Not sure yet which ones to keep.

(((((Roxy))))

HurtsButImOK posted 3/21/2014 19:00 PM

ps - I don't know if you wrote that poem but it is beautiful and poignant in capturing the heartbreak of loss in a relationship.

Roxyme765 posted 3/21/2014 19:10 PM

I did write that poem. That's how sad and pathetic I feel - I've begun writing poetry. Ah insert dry laugh here.

I wake up in the middle of the night with thoughts stuck in my head so I started putting them down.

I feel the same - I hardly trust anyone. Especially since he picked a lot of girls who were my friends or people we hung out with.

Who is left in the world? I have significantly cut people from my life. I feel that most people were just "fillers".

HurtsButImOK posted 3/21/2014 19:53 PM

(((HUGE HUGS)))

There is nothing sad or pathetic in loving someone. His actions are no a reflection on you.

You have a gift with the pen, it has been said it is sharper than the sword. Give voice to your pain, it will help you to process, heal and move forward.

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