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Newest Member: Hurtagain57 (61546)

User Topic: It's like I'm never satisfied
♂ 41891
Member # 41891
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does this happen to anyone else?

Part of our R is dealing with the fact that WW had become almost completely sexless and affectionless with me, making her PA that much more painful. Things are improving, she's attending MC with me, genuine remorse, etc., etc.

But I'm still supersensitive to the issue of being desired and wanted. Recently, she started to backslide (kisses were tight-lipped pecks instead of warm, sex is only happening when the circumstances are perfect, which is almost never with a kid in the house)...I pointed this out to her and she notified me that tonight she would make it up to me. Very sexy, very affectionate as she made the offer.

This is exactly what I said I wanted, right? So why did I feel just as dissatisfied? I felt no excitement, no positive anticipation. The hurt look on her face made me feel awful.

Sometimes I feel I'm putting her in a no-win situation, and I have to really force myself to knock it off. I just don't know why I'm doing it in the first place.

Me: BH, 50+
Her: WW, 50+
D-Day 12/27/2013 3-month PA with family friend

But also:
Me: WH, 50+
Her: BW, 50+
D-day: 12/27/2013 (about A that happened over 15 years ago w/coworker)

Posts: 125 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Southern California
♀ 39566
Member # 39566
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know the feeling all too well. I fault WH for not doing xyz. When he does make the effort I feel disappointment. I try my best not to put it on him as I don't like to see him hurt but it's hard to hide it.

Our MC made it clear months ago that even when WH is giving 110% it is not going to be enough to satisfy me, I will still find fault in him. He explained that there was a huge emotional deficit in our relationship and that it would take years of "doing everything right" for me to feel that WH was doing enough.

Knowing is half the battle and now I can catch myself in the middle of these thought. I try for a few minutes to empathize with him and think about how hard he is trying to make me feel loved etc. it doesn't work every time but the more I practice it the more I'm able to turn my day around and just enjoy our time together.

I like to think that self sabotage is pretty normal in these situations, it's hard to step out of these habits!

BS (me) - 30
WH - 30
2 sons (born 2010 & 2013)
Married: 2009
Dday: March 2013
R since: May 2013
WH's EA lasted two months and turned PA once we separated.

Posts: 185 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 2

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