"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
Sounds to me as if you picked a second guy who is, in many aspects, the same as the first.
Your current partner sounds like an ass. There is a ton of projection and manipulation (on his part) in what you've posted about your interactions with him.
The first cheater says he did it because I am too controlling and I don't trust.
Can you see how totally messed up this statement is? The guy was a serial-cheater.....so OF COURSE you're not going to trust him. Why would you????
And OF COURSE he's going to call you controlling -- he lacked boundaries, so anytime you try(ied?) to assert your own boundaries in the relationship.....he didn't like it because he didn't get to have free reign.
Anytime my stbx didn't (or doesn't) get *his way* or has/had to *account* to me for <something> that he didn't want to answer for.....he threw out the *you're controlling* card.
How can I not be suspicious and scared to be hurt again?.
......by finding a guy who's not an asshead.
You'll probably still be suspicious and scared, but a non-asshead's behavior, over time, will show you that he respects you and cares for you.
Know yourself and what you want in a relationship. Know your boundaries. Draw them out and be willing to hold firm to them.
I often feel that one woman (even one who is sexy and takes good care of herself) isn't enough for a man's sensory needs, anywhere, anytime, anyhow.
I disagree with this statement. IMO, you should take some time for yourself.....alone.....and figure out what you want and expect from a relationship. There are many men in the world who are willing to be in a committed, monogamous relationship (so I've heard, anyway
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.