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User Topic: I will never understand how wh could...
sunflowergirl30
♀ 28979
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How he could do what he did. The lies, the betrayal. On paper its like...alrighty then. But for my heart. I just cant accept it. I have lost all respect for him and trust in him. I cant imagine EVER letting my guard down with him again. Trust is not something I have to give...to him, to anyone. April 2014 will be 4 yrs since i found out about his infidelity. I dont feel any better. This 2-5 yr. thing. Its not in the cards for me. Possibly because im still with my biggest trigger...wh. Possibly because I knew from day one it was a deal breaker. Possibly because i was broken by life way before wh did what he did. I built everything around him. I put all my hope and trust in him. He new this and yet I was still disposable to him. Thats what his infidelity showed me and now im just on life support.


Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.
Wh-lying, cheater now 37
Me- crazy bs now 38
2 teens and a dog
Mow- married old whore now 50


1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010


Posts: 1131 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry that you are still in so much pain, sunflowergirl30.

I hate that you are wasting your life. Have you gone to the doctor? You sound extremely depressed. You need help with that. Have you been to IC? You need to be working on getting better. It isn't going to spontaneously change for you.

Time alone doesn't heal us. You have to actively work to heal yourself. (((sunflowergirl30)))


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 10085 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
swank
♀ 42835
Member # 42835
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is really sad. I agree that you should see a doctor for depression and also a therapist to help you figure out what's best for you. Don't waste more time on something that's not working - find a way to fix it, or move on. Easy to say, I know. I hope things start to look up for you.

Posts: 126 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: United States
Lowlow
♀ 38653
Member # 38653
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Sunflower))))

Trust is essential to our relationships. When it is ripped away, what can we do? Something so treasured that we willingly gave to another was ignored, trampled on, discarded.... For what? Illicit sex with someone less deserving! Luuurve messages exchanged. Lies told about us. Lies told to us. No wonder you still feel this way.

I don't know how we overcome this.


Me (BS) 42 Him (FWS) 43
AP#2 (LTA EA/PA) DD #1 16 Feb 2013
AP#1 (LTA EA with my BF) DD #2 16 Nov 2013
Married 11 years, T 19 years
Reconciling

Posts: 256 | Registered: Mar 2013
sunflowergirl30
♀ 28979
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dont need a therapist to tell me whats best for me. I just dont like any of my options. I am depressed but thats been an issue my entire life. I refuse to get back on depression medication. I hate how they make me feel inside. To everyone else im great on meds. Im able to pull off "happiness" but on the inside i feel like im being hidden. Locked away. By biggest obstacle is fear. I am afraid. Afraid of myself, of everyone around me. Afraid to move on. Afraid to start over. I love my wh. I hate my wh. I want to fall into his arms. Yet when i do i want to stab him in his heart. Its sick. Its sad.


Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.
Wh-lying, cheater now 37
Me- crazy bs now 38
2 teens and a dog
Mow- married old whore now 50


1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010


Posts: 1131 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
Thinkingtoomuch
♀ 31765
Member # 31765
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Good luck sunflower on your next step in this journey. You can't say you haven't tried.

So you've learned this can't go on and it's ok to say enough is enough.

You're still young. You deserve happiness.


And I really understand the med. issue. Keep going forward.

[This message edited by Thinkingtoomuch at 11:15 AM, March 22nd (Saturday)]


Posts: 828 | Registered: Apr 2011
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How are you going to get better than sunflowergirl30? You discount everything that can help you. Maybe you don't need an IC to tell you what is best for you, but maybe an IC can help you to make some changes in your life to help you feel better.

Or, is it just better to sit and feel sad and depressed and come on to SI every once in awhile and tell us how very sad you are and reject all suggestions on how to move forward with your life?


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 10085 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
sunflowergirl30
♀ 28979
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gee, thanks sistermilkshake! I am not asking for advice. Ya, i come on here just to complain about how sad and miserable I am. Wow. Wtfe.


Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.
Wh-lying, cheater now 37
Me- crazy bs now 38
2 teens and a dog
Mow- married old whore now 50


1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010


Posts: 1131 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
sunflowergirl30
♀ 28979
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Again...wtfe


Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.
Wh-lying, cheater now 37
Me- crazy bs now 38
2 teens and a dog
Mow- married old whore now 50


1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010


Posts: 1131 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry sunflowergirl30. Yes, it was a 2x4. Please tell us what you want though. I don't know. Just an ear to listen to your pain? How long will you want this? 10 years from now will you still be coming here to let everyone know how sad and depressed you are?

I give you 2 x 4's because I care about you. That is all. I want you to be happy. It tears me up that you are so miserable.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 10085 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
sunflowergirl30
♀ 28979
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

From now on I will only come on SI and make small talk about how great things are and talk about how proactive I am being. How everyone should be in therapy and medicated if they feel down and out. Since I cant get off the fence and choose to be in limbo...shame on me.


Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.
Wh-lying, cheater now 37
Me- crazy bs now 38
2 teens and a dog
Mow- married old whore now 50


1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010


Posts: 1131 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((sunflowergirl30)))


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 10085 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
sunflowergirl30
♀ 28979
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wtf does everyone else come here for? Wtf do most people come here for! It seems to me because they are still hurt and upset in some way! I guarantee its not a group we are all proud to have been made a part of! Will i be coming here in 10yrs? I hope the f#%# not. Will you still be on here and giving me a ration of shit?


Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.
Wh-lying, cheater now 37
Me- crazy bs now 38
2 teens and a dog
Mow- married old whore now 50


1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010


Posts: 1131 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, that is what I was doing, sunflowergirl, giving you a ration of shit. I guess I should just pat you on the head and say "Poor sunflowergirl!"


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 10085 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
karmahappens
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

By biggest obstacle is fear. I am afraid. Afraid of myself, of everyone around me. Afraid to move on. Afraid to start over. I love my wh. I hate my wh. I want to fall into his arms. Yet when i do i want to stab him in his heart. Its sick. Its sad.

I understand this. I think I knew all along I was broken and depressed, but it was easier for me to live inside myself than to face it.

It is really, really frightening (or was to me)

I went through a few IC's and finally found one that let me talk....for a long, long time. I ranted, raved, bitched about x,y and z....

I think her approach helped me trust her. Little by little I opened up. She suggested meds, but I refused and told her I wanted to be clear headed. She accepted this and worked with me to get to where I was able to get past the fear, to see a future, to depend on myself.

When you are in the fearful place it's hard to see out the window, sometimes you have to take a chance if you want things to be better.

(((hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3872 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
sunflowergirl30
♀ 28979
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No thanks...sistermilkshake.

[This message edited by sunflowergirl30 at 12:39 PM, March 22nd (Saturday)]


Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.
Wh-lying, cheater now 37
Me- crazy bs now 38
2 teens and a dog
Mow- married old whore now 50


1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010


Posts: 1131 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
sunflowergirl30
♀ 28979
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was venting. I dont need your sarcasm sister. Im not looking for pity. I also dont need to be belittled either. I will keep it light and fluffy when I pop up on SI...


Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.
Wh-lying, cheater now 37
Me- crazy bs now 38
2 teens and a dog
Mow- married old whore now 50


1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010


Posts: 1131 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It wasn't sarcasm, sunflowergirl, I am trying to understand what you need to feel better and to be able to move forward.

And, did you just blow off karma?

eta: Oh, you didn't blow off karma, that was intended for me.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 12:41 PM, March 22nd (Saturday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 10085 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You don't have to change what you post here at SI, sunflowergirl. There are plenty of people that won't give you a 2 x 4 as shown here. I just am hoping that you are going to be able to get unstuck and that maybe a 2 x4 would help. *shrug*


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 10085 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
sunflowergirl30
♀ 28979
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Blow off Karma? I dont understand. Frankly I dont believe in karma or god. Shit happens. It happens to good people and bad people. I do believe if you do enough shitty deeds its gonna bite you in the ass. Therefore what comes around goes around. Im not a shitty person. I keep to myself. I dont screw others over but shit, bad shithappens to me. Bad shit happens to others. Its just life.


Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.
Wh-lying, cheater now 37
Me- crazy bs now 38
2 teens and a dog
Mow- married old whore now 50


1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010


Posts: 1131 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

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