He has the boys today and I just went for an hour run in the sunshine. I started to think about all of the sacrifices and support I gave this man.
I supported him while trained for 2 marathons- brought him water/stuff during his training, traveled to cheer him on with signs and flags, etc..(and made sure kids were looked after while I did), had kids on my own during all those hours of training, cooked special meals. Had celebration parties when he was done.
I supported a 2 week trip to trek a mountain- which is where his A started with a female coworker.
I supported job after job with increasing travel, nights and weekends working while I was with the kids, made every meal, did all housework, planned every party/occasion, etc.
And I think about how much me time I lost doing all this.
And how I never, ever felt appreciated.
It's hard to accept that this is how it ends and how much I gave up for a man who didn't love me.
Now that doesn't mean that you deserved any of his selfish horrible behaviour (NOT AT ALL!)...but what are you learning from this so that:
- you can spot the red flags for the future
- you can make sure you don't lose your sense of self in another relationship
- you know what your dealbreakers are for any relationship
- you have and maintain healthy emotional boundaries in all areas of your life
I know I probably seem harsh,but someone did the similar for me. It helped me to try not to fall into the victim mentality, which is so easy when dealing with an unremorseful manipulative WS. This in no way excuses what they did, or underplays the gradual manipulation/emotional abuse that we have lived with. It's about helping us to avoid getting in the same position again.
Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him.
We are done.
Klove with time though you will feel better and cannot keeping looking back because what's done is done and now you move forward and establish new and healthier boundaries for yourself and kids. Reading on these boards will make you see that life does get better and you are not alone in your experiences and how you can heal. You already gave him enough time and energy time for you now!
[This message edited by GreatRoleModel at 2:10 PM, March 22nd, 2014 (Saturday)]
You may have given him years of your life and he never appreciated it. But he gave you something really invaluable 1. your boys 2. awareness
You are now sure of what you will accept and what you won't. You are sure that you are worth more than what he gave you. You are aware of how far you've come. You are aware of what you want/need to teach your kids about relationships. The list goes on...
I feel sort of grateful to my STBXWH in a strange way. He forced me into it, but I have grown so much from that woman I used to be. I hope you have too.