Yes, sometimes, very rarely, they will get out of the fog by themselves. Most of the time, they have to have the fog blasted away by large doses of reality administered regularly and without dispassionately. The toilet is filthy and needs sanitizing. No amount of justification that if you wait, it will get better, if you are patient, it will self-clean or if you ignore it, it will smell sweet will work. You have to attack it with gloves, a brush, and sanitizer. Or it gets far, far worse.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Here's another example. My Dad drank until I was 10. He has been in AA every since. The first year of sobriety he had very "alcoholic-like" behavior, ie: selfish, poor-me-parties, blowing committments, except there was no booze. Even now he has a saying: Sometimes I am sober and sometimes I am just not drinking.
You want a sober wife. Once she goes NC, she will then being having withdrawl from this "fantasy" life she has created for herself. The fog lifts when she begins doing the work, facing her demons and owning the mess she has created.
[This message edited by LA44 at 12:42 PM, March 23rd (Sunday)]
many DDays, primary 7/4/2012 and 8/10/2012
Denial, rationalizing and compartmentalization are all part of the fog.
You are probably hearing the phrase, just get over it a lot from your WW.
In my case, the fog disappeared once my wife started reading a few books, like After the Affair and another one I can never remember. She also read a few posts on here that really made her think finally.
If your wife is still having an affair, she will never get out of the fog. Consequences can bring a WS out of the fog as well.
Stop taking care of the M and start taking care of yourself. Yes, your WW is in the fog of wayward thinking--but you are in the fog of betrayed thinking, where your hope blinds you to your current reality.
[This message edited by norabird at 12:39 PM, March 24th (Monday)]
Thankfully, my FWW's fog only lasted about three weeks. She was very remorseful, shameful and sorry every day starting on D-day but the fog was not a good period of time for me because I knew that she was thinking of the OM. Hopefully it won't last long for you!
1. Leaving him a Dear John letter and leaving
2. Stating that his A hurt more than the sexual abuse I suffered as a child at the hands of my ex-stepfather (in front of my IC therapist with him there). That really shamed him.
3. Telling all my friends and family months after D-day helped. This way he realized with their help, just how horrible and painful his actions were from someone else's point of view (which he didn't consider was over reacting to nothing).