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My oldest sister is in her early 50s. We are close to 15 years apart (Im 35)

She was born with many gifts- she is naturally beautiful and very smart.

She graduated from one of the top schools in the country.

But it has never been good enough. She had her IQ measured for Mensa... I think you have to have a 150 to get in, and she 'only' scored 146... So she complains that she is stupid.

She never married or had kids, and is upset about that, and says, "No one ever wanted me"... but she closed herself off and never went on dates after about 30 yrs old

She binge ate for years, which has made her obese. She complains about that.

She complains about her job, our mother (who she lives with) EVERYTHING. Its been like this for years-- decades. But recently she has gotten very angry.

I just got off the phone with her. She was SO ANGRY at mom who did not tell the plumber the correct thing to fix the leaky faucet. SO ANGRY that she would have to take off work and talk to the plumber herself.... SO ANGRY about a lot of things.

I told her about the leaky faucet "that's life, you just have to deal with it. don't let it get you so angry"

She then said she wasn't going to let me tell her what an awful person she was. She had to go and do her taxes. "I don't have a husband to do my taxes for me" (my husband does the taxes...)

I recently talked her into going to my old therapist. She has been 2x

I don't think there is anything I can do for her, but I really don't want to talk to her anymore. (I no longer live near her. but I do talk to her on the phone most days). I just don't have time, I have 2 young kids, a bipolar husband who needs a lot of emotional support, and I am just spent.

I feel badly for my sister, and would help if asked, but if I am going to get yelled at continually, I don't want to be her sounding board. I think im the last person who has any patience with her, and she's just pushed me away.

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 5:23 PM, March 22nd (Saturday)]

There are some people who just cannot be satisfied. It's utterly exhausting to deal with them. You know that any fixing of that has to come from her. Your focus is right where it needs to be - on your own family. ((((gottaget))))

I have a brother a few years younger than I am.

Broken, broken, broken.

Alcoholic for starters.

I cannot fix him and I cannot change his behavior.

He is mean-spirited, cuts others down to boost himself. Interested in money and who he can gain things from.

After a personal situation in my life that I cannot speak of in this forum I decided I had enough of him. He had told me repeatedly he hates me, hates my husband...

I know inside he hates himself. I know he is just broken and I was too, probably as much of an asshole as him before I got into IC

Anyways, after our situation came to light I cut him off.

The most difficult piece was my mother. I do all of the family holidays and when Christmas rolled around she called to ask why I hadn't invited them and how unfair it was for me to make her choose.

I explained my POV to her, let her know she was always welcome in my home but was never "required" to be there. I understood my brother is her son and she loves him...blah blah blah ...puke.

Really, what a relief. It's been 7 years and since then I have been able to lighten a bit, I see him on rare occasions and they stop by on Christmas. There is no more socializing with him or my SIL, because it was unsafe for me to be around them.

Emotionally it screwed with my head, played games with my self-esteem and a visit with him always left me bitter and angry.

Through IC I had to accept my broken-ness and heal myself. A piece of that was seeing he is just as broken, so I found empathy for him, but I needed to react with strength for myself.

I pray he finds some kind of healing in the future, but for now, he is content in his misery.

Take the steps you need to be happy....this life gets shorter every day.

[This message edited by karmahappens at 10:21 AM, March 23rd (Sunday)]

she called me back about 10 min after I posted this and apologized... I wonder if therapy is releasing some inner issues and that would make her angry

im used to her being a Debbie Downer type. She's ALWAYS thought she was not good enough (which is funny because she is very smart and very naturally beautiful... much smarter and prettier than me or my other sisters )

Im just not used to this anger.

The bad part is that she is exceptionally supportive in bad times (when stuff went down and I moved home for a year, I was a mess. She would get up at 3 am for the nighttime feedings with my newborn... she was awesome)

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 12:23 PM, March 23rd (Sunday)]

Hey Gotta, our sister's sound similar altho now that she has moved in with her bf she finally sounds happy (which isn't necessarily a good thing). Anyway, like yours, she was/is AMAZING with my kids. Takes them out on fun outings, is a heck of an organizer/cleaner but my goodness she can tear a strip off people, esp. my parents, "It is so hot outside and Dad turns the a/c on when what we really need around here are the windows open!!"

Now that she is not living with them any longer this is better but for almost 18 years and it got wayyyy worse in the last few, she would be enraged about the "little things". I knew what she really felt was OUT OF CONTROL - bf would not commit, job wasn't good, no money, teenage daughter wanting it all and still living at home - and bc of that she was trying to control them, their house, everything. It was exhausting being on the phone with her!

Finally I just said, "Listen. They are our parents. I love them and this hurts me to hear this. I can't do this anymore." Then she accused me of being able to talk about my problems but she couldn't talk about hers. AUGH!

Anyway, I have had soooo much patience for my sister. I am glad she is a happier person today and hope it continues. Maybe the therapy is giving yours the support she needs. Glad she called back to apologize!