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Newest Member: HeartbrokenQueen

Divorce/Separation :
The Arse is game playing (sigh)

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 Softcentre (original poster member #39166) posted at 9:19 AM on Sunday, March 23rd, 2014

He put his wedding ring back on for his mum's funeral. I actually didn't notice at first (I don't look for it anymore, it's been almost a year since he took it off) someone pointed it out to me. It's been over a week and he's still wearing it.

I'm assuming it's some passive aggressive game playing? What do you think?

Maybe something along the lines of?:

I'll put my ring on and see if she notices. That will tell me if she cares.

or?:

I want to talk to her but she wants to file, so I'll hedge my bets, wear my ring and get her to start the conversation so that I won't have made myself vulnerable

But you know what? I'm done with p/a games. Wearing your ring and hoping I'll notice? Yes I've noticed. But I'm not going to play your game. You want to talk to me? Then talk to me. Make yourself vulnerable for once. Risk it....or don't. Your choice.

Me: BW
Him: XWH
2 Children

Finally reached indifference & looking forward to my new beginning

posts: 1629   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2013   ·   location: UK
id 6732767
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Caretaker1 ( member #42777) posted at 9:55 AM on Sunday, March 23rd, 2014

He's trying it seems. Do you want to reconcile?

posts: 234   ·   registered: Mar. 14th, 2014
id 6732771
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Gemini71 ( member #40115) posted at 2:06 PM on Sunday, March 23rd, 2014

Sounds like he's following the cheaters handbook and getting ready to blame YOU for the divorce when you file. Don't fall for this p/a manipulation bull.

DSs 21, 16, 12
About my Ex:
IDK
IDC
IDGAF

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

posts: 3406   ·   registered: Jul. 30th, 2013   ·   location: Illinois, USA
id 6732860
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Take2 ( member #23890) posted at 2:30 PM on Sunday, March 23rd, 2014

My thought when the ring reappeared was: "yeah, you slept with how many other women while wearing it...?" Does not count as an action in my book.

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

posts: 4432   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2009   ·   location: New England
id 6732884
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tesla ( member #34697) posted at 2:39 PM on Sunday, March 23rd, 2014

In the great scheme of the universe, him slipping a ring off or slipping a ring on his finger barely registers. Ok, let's be real, it doesn't register. Now, perhaps in his mind this is a great cosmic shift...but then he probably thinks grandiose thoughts of himself and his actions.

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

posts: 5066   ·   registered: Jan. 31st, 2012
id 6732896
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 Softcentre (original poster member #39166) posted at 9:28 PM on Sunday, March 23rd, 2014

He knows my minimum requirements for considering R:

1. Cut off all contact with Fat Bottomed Girl and her circle of friends

2. Stop flirting with other women, don't spend one on one time with other women (incl social media etc), don't talk about our relationship with people of the opposite sex

3. Get back into counselling to work on his issues

4. Be honest about all that has happened, incl during S

5. Start by dating me and see where it goes.

Funnily enough...putting his ring back on was not on that list. I've yet to see that he has done anything on that list. But I'm happy for him to show me otherwise.

[This message edited by Softcentre at 4:08 PM, March 23rd, 2014 (Sunday)]

Me: BW
Him: XWH
2 Children

Finally reached indifference & looking forward to my new beginning

posts: 1629   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2013   ·   location: UK
id 6733233
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BtraydWife ( member #42581) posted at 9:46 PM on Sunday, March 23rd, 2014

Now, perhaps in his mind this is a great cosmic shift...but then he probably thinks grandiose thoughts of himself and his actions.

This.

It's certainly for his benefit in some way. He hasn't met your list. Ignore him.

Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010

posts: 5437   ·   registered: Feb. 25th, 2014   ·   location: United States
id 6733240
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