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holidays vs. regular placement

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brightsidegirl posted 3/23/2014 12:29 PM

I have the kids for spring break this year (in our district Easter is wrapped up into spring break). If it wasn't a holiday, the weekend would have been his. So am I obligated to give him a weekend? I will have the kids 3 weekends in a row if I don't give him one. I want to be fair, especially since we have a court date coming up.

caregiver9000 posted 3/23/2014 12:42 PM

It depends on how it is written in the parenting agreement. Mine uses language that states holiday schedule trumps regular schedule and there are no provisions for that "lost time."

I would consider the age of your children. Do they need to see him to remain connected? Are they old enough to express an opinion? Is there travel involved in the visitation?

If the kids want, offer a Sunday afternoon for a movie. Or trade in whole one of the weekends.

With my ex, I would be careful to express it as time the kids wanted to spend with dad, and NOT an attempt to be perfectly "fair." My ex would then spend the rest of my life killing me with "fair." (down to and including needing an extra hour if daylight savings fell on his weekend )

stronger08 posted 3/23/2014 13:03 PM

In the beginning I followed the agreement to the letter. As I believe children should be at home on Christmas I gave her that day. I have Christmas eve and New Year. We alternate all of the other holidays and split vacation time down the middle. In the last year or so she has a new BF and it seems he has a positive effect on her. We can now be civil and agree on things based on what happens to be going on in all our lives. But I made sure each and every thing regarding custody and visitation was written very specifically in our D agreement. I had to as she was very angry that I D her cheating ass and used the child to get back at me. My advice would be sure to have it all covered legally just in case. And depending on how your XWS behaves it can always be manipulated based on mutual agreement. As my son will be 14 I let him decide on what he wants to do and this seems to work. In a year or two it wont matter as he most likely wont want to be around either one of us. LOL

gonnabe2016 posted 3/23/2014 14:09 PM

How you want to handle this really depends on the *type* of stbx that you're dealing with, imo. If you having the kids 3 weekends in a row means that they won't get to see dad for a month, it might be considerate for you to offer him a dinner or a weekend afternoon or something. But that may end up biting you in the ass if you have a stbx who takes 5 miles for every 1 inch that you give.

Like CG said, holiday time *trumps* regular visitation. And I think it's unusual for a make-up provision to be automatically included. I think the assumption is that, in the end, the *time* will end up being a 'wash'. (maybe next year Easter is *his* and falls on *your* weekend or he'll have them on "Flag Day" this year even though it's technically supposed to be *your* day, kwim?)

But it's really a moot point until and unless your stbx actually brings it up to you as an issue. He can't point a finger at you and call you unfair or unreasonable if he never raised the issue in the first place. Well, he could try, but he'd have no credibility.

Gemini71 posted 3/23/2014 14:10 PM

You have Easter/Spring Break, so you do not owe him any time. Look ahead in the calendar. The odds are that there will be a holiday that he has that will fall in a way that is beneficial to him. It all seems to even out eventually.

brightsidegirl posted 3/23/2014 15:58 PM

Thanks for all the guidance. It's not specifically stated in the temporary orders. That is something I may want to bring up to the lawyer for the final agreement. I don't think he'll even say a word, because he doesn't seem to use the time he gets anyway (he had them this weekend and dropped them off at 1 p.m. even though he technically has until 5 p.m.).

He is supposed to see them every Tues and Thurs evening, so he has that time with them. I have also been known to offer time to him for ice cream after dinner. He is a guy who will take a mile and I'm really trying to set boundaries.

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