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Newest Member: Mercedes66 (46046)

User Topic: holidays vs. regular placement
brightsidegirl
41664
Member # 41664
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have the kids for spring break this year (in our district Easter is wrapped up into spring break). If it wasn't a holiday, the weekend would have been his. So am I obligated to give him a weekend? I will have the kids 3 weekends in a row if I don't give him one. I want to be fair, especially since we have a court date coming up.


I tried to be everything you'd ever want and sometimes I even stood on my heart and stomped. Now I'm finally alone and dressed for the show but going nowhere.
--Sara Bareilles

Posts: 34 | Registered: Dec 2013
caregiver9000
♀ 28622
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It depends on how it is written in the parenting agreement. Mine uses language that states holiday schedule trumps regular schedule and there are no provisions for that "lost time."

I would consider the age of your children. Do they need to see him to remain connected? Are they old enough to express an opinion? Is there travel involved in the visitation?

If the kids want, offer a Sunday afternoon for a movie. Or trade in whole one of the weekends.

With my ex, I would be careful to express it as time the kids wanted to spend with dad, and NOT an attempt to be perfectly "fair." My ex would then spend the rest of my life killing me with "fair." (down to and including needing an extra hour if daylight savings fell on his weekend )


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5947 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
stronger08
♂ 16953
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In the beginning I followed the agreement to the letter. As I believe children should be at home on Christmas I gave her that day. I have Christmas eve and New Year. We alternate all of the other holidays and split vacation time down the middle. In the last year or so she has a new BF and it seems he has a positive effect on her. We can now be civil and agree on things based on what happens to be going on in all our lives. But I made sure each and every thing regarding custody and visitation was written very specifically in our D agreement. I had to as she was very angry that I D her cheating ass and used the child to get back at me. My advice would be sure to have it all covered legally just in case. And depending on how your XWS behaves it can always be manipulated based on mutual agreement. As my son will be 14 I let him decide on what he wants to do and this seems to work. In a year or two it wont matter as he most likely wont want to be around either one of us. LOL


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5906 | Registered: Nov 2007
gonnabe2016
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How you want to handle this really depends on the *type* of stbx that you're dealing with, imo. If you having the kids 3 weekends in a row means that they won't get to see dad for a month, it might be considerate for you to offer him a dinner or a weekend afternoon or something. But that may end up biting you in the ass if you have a stbx who takes 5 miles for every 1 inch that you give.

Like CG said, holiday time *trumps* regular visitation. And I think it's unusual for a make-up provision to be automatically included. I think the assumption is that, in the end, the *time* will end up being a 'wash'. (maybe next year Easter is *his* and falls on *your* weekend or he'll have them on "Flag Day" this year even though it's technically supposed to be *your* day, kwim?)

But it's really a moot point until and unless your stbx actually brings it up to you as an issue. He can't point a finger at you and call you unfair or unreasonable if he never raised the issue in the first place. Well, he could try, but he'd have no credibility.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8252 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Gemini71
♀ 40115
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have Easter/Spring Break, so you do not owe him any time. Look ahead in the calendar. The odds are that there will be a holiday that he has that will fall in a way that is beneficial to him. It all seems to even out eventually.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 2101 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
brightsidegirl
41664
Member # 41664
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for all the guidance. It's not specifically stated in the temporary orders. That is something I may want to bring up to the lawyer for the final agreement. I don't think he'll even say a word, because he doesn't seem to use the time he gets anyway (he had them this weekend and dropped them off at 1 p.m. even though he technically has until 5 p.m.).

He is supposed to see them every Tues and Thurs evening, so he has that time with them. I have also been known to offer time to him for ice cream after dinner. He is a guy who will take a mile and I'm really trying to set boundaries.


I tried to be everything you'd ever want and sometimes I even stood on my heart and stomped. Now I'm finally alone and dressed for the show but going nowhere.
--Sara Bareilles

Posts: 34 | Registered: Dec 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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