Ok- you all told me to come here to vent instead of breaking NC and 180- so here I am.
When we originally separated 4 weeks ago, my wh wanted to tell the kids that it was like a parent "time out" - that we weren't sure it was permanent and that Mom and Dad needed some time to think and to not fight about being married.
This seemed like a good idea to me at the time...mostly because I was sad and emotionally fogged up. As the weeks went on, it became clear that this was not time for him to "think" - it was time for him to get more ducks in a row, spend more time with OW or figuring out if they were going to be together, etc. You may remember when I saw that he liked a picture of her on fb, I snapped. I told him I didn't want to potentially R anymore- that we needed to move forward with making this permanent. And I've never looked back...
LAST NIGHT he told me he wanted to tell the kids it was permanent. They, god love them, have been asking "Is Daddy going to move back in?" "Have you decided if this is forever?" and "I hope this isn't forever..." So we both felt like it was important to tell them we had decided the apart thing was permanent.
I was anxious about this because so much has changed in the last 4 weeks. The first time we told them we were taking a "time out", he was so emotional and cried through the whole thing. I had to do all the talking and be strong through the conversation. 4 weeks later, he is this ball of anger and aggression. And the kids have been really worried that they would get this news. Every bone in my body told me I should just talk with the boys myself- but he wanted to do it together.
When we sit down, he can't get the words out. I'm just staring at him...my DS7 says "Daddy- what did you want to talk to us about?" Poor kid is sitting on my lap and I have my hand on his chest and his little heart is just pounding.
Instead of being a FUCKING MAN about it, stbxwh stalls - and then says "What do you think we're going to talk to you about?" LIKE THIS IS SOME KIND OF A GODDAMNED GAMESHOW!!!!!!
Poor Ds7 says "I think you're going to say that you and Mom and going to live apart forever..." and his heart is pounding and he tears up.
And stbxwh says "That's right...you are a very smart little boy."
Grrrrrrr... at which point the adult (me) jumps in and takes over with reassuring and talking about feelings and telling both boys we love them so much and they are good boys and none of this was their fault, etc...
The rest of the convo just had this aggressive angry undertone to it from him. "Things are going to change- I haven't gotten to see you a lot for the last 4 weeks but that's going to change a lot in the next few weeks." "When Daddy gets a new house, the first thing we'll do is buy a Wii U and make some new memories the three of us." (enter Disney dad...grrrrr.)
By the time 50 mins went by and my jaw was clenched and my mind spinning, I said "Ok- we need to get supper started so unless you guys have any more questions or anything else you want to talk about right now, say goodbye to Dad and you'll see him soon."
He just looks at me, jaw clenched and says venemously "I guess you want me to go, huh? You can't even have this conversation nicely?"
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGRRRRRRRRRRRR. I was so angry and I'm angry just talking about it now!
I feel so bad for my poor kiddos who have to put up with this CHILD as their Dad...
How do you guys deal with this shit??