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Here comes the crazy!

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gemini888 posted 3/24/2014 11:47 AM

Hi SI'ers, its been a while since I posted. Been separated for over two years and divorced 6 months. I've been dating a man for about 4 months, we are exclusive, and he calls me his girlfriend, etc. He is a great guy, extremely trustworthy, but something is eating away at me. I am a Facebook stalker (old habits are hard to break) and I happened to see this morning that back in January, he commented "beautiful!" on a profile picture of an old girlfriend of his (she doesn't keep her stuff private.)
He has told me about her, she lives several states away, and he said their only contact is occasional FB postings. It is making me crazy. It has sort of surprised me, my almost insane reaction to this. Am I completely irrational? would love to hear some thoughts.

norabird posted 3/24/2014 11:57 AM

I would discuss it with him. I have exes I could easily call handsome in a Fbook pic, I guess (or I could see it being possible) without it meaning anything other than that we are friends, because I know my boundaries. So this might be absolutely no reason to worry. I think you have to discuss it with him though, not assuming he is in the wrong but just explaining what you have here. He should be able to help you overcome the trust issue.

Sad in AZ posted 3/24/2014 13:48 PM

First of all, you have to be completely honest with yourself: What will you accept from a partner in an exclusive relationship? Is contact with an X ok? If so, what kind of contact? (Facebook, emails, telephone calls, meals, etc.) If any of this is OK for you, do you expect to be notified of the contact? And on and on...

Then, when you have the exclusivity talk, IMO you should lay out your terms (and you should encourage your partner to do so.) That way there can be no misunderstandings or mixups. If you can't come to a meeting of the minds at this exclusivity point, you aren't meant for each other.

Let's face it. At this point in our lives, we all have pasts and baggage, for lack of a better term. Characters are going to come out of our pasts, and our SOs will have to deal with them at some point.

gemini888 posted 3/25/2014 04:13 AM

Thanks, Norabird and Sad, I appreciate the insight. I guess a talk in in order at some point in the near future...just have to figure ou a way to skirt around the FB stalking
What knocked me for a loop though was my reaction, which pre-WH, I think would have been different. Baggage, indeed.

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