Do others keep beating themselves up for everything under the sun? How do you stop and forgive yourself your imperfections on this journey?
Seriously, I did some of the same things and it took time for me to cut myself some slack. We do the best we can with the information we have at the time. I tried to overcompensate in other areas because at the time I felt like I had failed in my M. At some point I let that stuff go and just decided to be myself. If it wasn't enough for whoever or whatever I was doing then oh well. You only get one life so cut yourself some slack and go enjoy it one day at a time.
I recently had a discussion with someone and they brought up values vs. intentions; we might all want a cleaner house, but if we can’t make it happen on a regular and consistent basis, it’s probably more of an intention than a value.
Now I think maybe I need to narrow my focus, let go of some of the intentions, appreciate how far I’ve come in things I value.
Relationships: friends, family, significant other; a little effort goes a long way, it’s okay to let go of some expectations Work-life balance: doing pretty well here Self-improvement: always in progress New experiences: I have to let some old things go for this, I need to be okay with that Healthy living: I’m healthy enough that it isn’t holding me back
Things that don’t quite make the value cut that I beat myself up over; a spotless/bigger home, more money to save, donate and spend, a more prestigious career, pursuit of advanced degrees, a constant productive utilization of time, learning, creating, and improving on any number of interests past or present. If I truly wanted these things I would make them happen, until then I’m going to let up on them.
An example is that I set myself goals to achieve at work daily eg get a report done. During the day when something comes up that is a priority requiring my immediate attention I don't finish the report. I start down the path of 'I should have been able to finish that report' ('cause you know I am superwoman and all ) which causes me to get down on my self and feel a failure. When I catch myself I remind me that 'its understandable that I didn't get the report done in the time frame I set as xyz happened and needed to be dealt with. I will do abc to complete the report'.
It's also when you accept things about yourself that the self flagellation lessens. There are some things we cant change, the other things are within our power to be the person we want to be.
"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou
I think it may be some bargaining on my part--if I can be the perfect person, this won't happen to me again; if I had been perfect, maybe it wouldn't have. But it's not about me. I muddle through as best I can and need to muster up a little more forgiveness for myself.
It's obvious you are a very caring and insightful person, so when someone does to you what has been done to so many of us here, it's hard to NOT find little ways to blame yourself. But...
But it's not about me.
Turn that "me" into "you," and you've given so many others here this same insight, and we are thankful for that I do know that it's easier to tell this to others and truly mean it, then doubt it when it comes to yourself. Was this somehow my fault, even a little bit? The answer is still no. It is admirable that you obviously look into ways to make you an even better you. Just remember you were never broken to begin with, so don't beat yourself up because someone else wasn't good enough for you.
I know, easier said than done sometimes. You are very strong, and it will get easier.
"A unicorn isn't a unicorn. It's a donkey with a plunger stuck to it's face."
