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LeftOutintheCold posted 3/24/2014 16:25 PM

I'm reading through a lot of other posts here and find so many who are feeling the very same way I'm feeling. However, what I'm not seeing is anyone who has happened to them what happened to me.

Meaning, my WH came home one night, told me he was having an affair, has fallen in love with the OW, said he didn't want to try to work it out with me, and left that night. He left his car keys, house keys, most of his clothing, etc. He's been back and gathered a few other things. He has not instigated contact with me, but we have had contact and conversations. Just yesterday I became determined to not contact him unless it's a house emergency or I need more money.

Has anyone else had their WS do this to them? If so, how did it play out? What did you do? It feels to me like he was already over me and our marriage and that there is no hope for R.

However, right up to the morning of dday, he never acted any differently towards me and still told me he loved me. He has since told me he still loves me. I guess I'm still hoping that not all is lost. I just can't accept that this is happening and that what we had is gone...

Merlin posted 3/24/2014 17:52 PM

Abrupt to be sure.

Are you certain that he is not doing weird things with joint marital assets or otherwise jeopardizing your security?

Please look after yourself - emotionally, physically and financially.

LeftOutintheCold posted 3/24/2014 18:00 PM

Merlin - I have no idea what he's doing right now. I have text messages telling me that he's not walking away from paying for the house, the car, and taking care of our animals. Other than that, I have no clue.

norabird posted 3/24/2014 20:02 PM

Yes, sadly this does happen. Have you see a lawyer yet? Please please protect yourself and take action. Hope is a pretty deadly emotion at times like these. I know what he has done hurts so badly but you must deal with this awful hand as best as you can. And that means looking after yourself and not letting him escape the consequences of leaving. His assurances mean nothing. A court order however has some utility.

SeekingPeace84 posted 3/24/2014 20:15 PM

First of all, I'm so sorry this is happening to you! I can relate a tiny bit, my WH had the same attitude, but only after being confronted. I also didn't notice odd behavior, or him not saying I love you (though I've since realized it was only in response to me saying it first). He left, continued the relationship with the OW, said he didn't think we could make it work, no desire to reconcile, nothing. He also said the same stuff about $; I'll keep paying for things, don't worry, etc. It felt so bizarre and weird to me because most of the stuff that I've read on here is how the WS is caught or confesses and then acts remorseful (whether it's real or not is a different story), begs for another chance and says they don't want to lose the BS.
I guess I feel the same disbelief and shock that my WS didn't say anything about being unhappy, he just decided (unilaterally, the jackass!) that things were over. And his attitude that the whole relationship can just be thrown away like it's not the biggest mistake of his life is just as baffling.
I know our stories aren't the same, but I do relate to your pain and confusion. I'm so sorry your WS is acting this way. I wish I had more wisdom and comfort to offer you, but I can only say that I know a little of how you're feeling.


[This message edited by SeekingPeace84 at 8:16 PM, March 24th (Monday)]

wonderpets posted 3/25/2014 01:49 AM

That's what happened to me, although she started in a hotel with the kids while I collected myself, then the next day I moved to my mom's.

I filed for divorce that week, because I knew she was too lazy. She actually told me she was already over things because she had time to think.

The love of her life left her within a month. She invited me over for sex after, and eventually asked to get back together before her second rehab. I declined since I was getting married the next week.

ultracrushed posted 3/25/2014 09:17 AM

This is horrible!

First as others have said, protect yourself.

Either something has happened to his A and he wants to come crawling back or he is trying to dupe you.

The only other thing I can think of is that he "loves you" as in cares for you but still doesn't want to R.

I would just call him out and aks him directly. If there isnt a great answer then I think he has made it pretty clear you need to start D.

Sadmumma posted 3/25/2014 09:26 AM

Sounds like he's trying to keep the options open in case the A dies on its arse?

In which case he is still 'in your good books' and can come back to the family home.

Or could be he just feels like a jerk and is trying to make it u to you. by financially supporting you it relives some of his guilt. THAT I have experience with (via WH)...

twisted posted 3/25/2014 10:52 AM

If you haven't yet, contact a good lawyer today. Change the locks, withdraw some cash.
Record and save all phones call and texts. Time to get smart about this and start protecting yourself.

NeverAgain2013 posted 3/25/2014 11:11 AM

I'm not sure where you live, but in some jurisdictions, his simply leaving out of the blue is considered abandonment. This may afford you certain property rights you may not have had under different circumstances.

But you NEED to get to a lawyer - PRONTO.

It's hard to believe he'd just leave everything he's got a financial interest in just to run off to his OW. Eventually when the star-dust settles, he's going to start looking to get what's his - and then some. And how long do you think she's going to be willing to support him week after week after week while he throws all his money at you? That's going to get REAL old, REAL fast for her.

Please believe me when I tell you I truly know how badly your world has been turned upside down and how chaotic everything no doubt is for you. But it can get a lot WORSE even if you don't believe that now. It can, and most probably WILL.

Get to a lawyer.


justinpaintoday posted 3/25/2014 20:51 PM

Hey just checking how day 3 of 180 was going. We've started on the same day...I'm doing okay. Posted a thread on it. Keep up the good effort.

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