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Newest Member: farmgrl (61811)

User Topic: effin mess!! another DDay coming up!
♀ 34210
Member # 34210
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

supposedly my WH had only EA with a woman from work.

I found out by being snoopy trying to find out who he was texting around the holidays, and much to my surprise, I found 1000's of texts to a -- it wasn't even a number, it was her email---

he swore and swore and swore it wasn't physical. I couldn't find any indication that it was, no proof at all, and I searched and snooped like a fiend.

we put ourselves back together, or so I thought.

last week he lied to me, which brought out all the feelings of "if he could lie about that.... you know how it goes....

so I got to snooping again, and sometimes you know how those random thoughts just pop in your head??

he said, at the time, that he just was talking to her about his impending re-diagnosis of cancer, and it all took off from there-- that she had offered him empathy, and it developed into a friendship, blech.... but he's never been motivated by an emotional attachment, it's always be sex with him. and that's why it hurt me so much then, we had just finally reached a point in our marriage and relationship that I felt supported emotionally, and connected emotionally.

so I guess that's why I had such a hard time believing it wasn't physical............ and I think now I might have "a little bit" of proof.

I found one of those things you can download songs onto in one of his drawers...
here's a partial list of what's on there

--- quite a few healing songs, meaning the kind of stuff you hear when getting a massage.

"Why can't you see" Jolo Kuo
Let's make Love
I need you
Only you can love me
Me and You
I like it
Can't take my eyes off of you
need you now
How do I live without you
I melt
Nothing like this
I won't let go

that's a partial list....... says it was formatted in June, 2012

supposedly he went NC in November 2011

please tell me what you think. and how soon to confront?? I don't know if I can find anything else, and to be honest, I'm not real good at keeping my mouth shut.


eesh-- what an 'effing mess!!!

Posts: 540 | Registered: Dec 2011
♂ 42858
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry for you...that sucks and is not fair. My humble opinion is trust your gut. Your heart will confuse you.

I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
♀ 37154
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. It would be hard to explain that away, but I'm sure he will try.

The vehemence of the denials has absolutely no relation to the truth of what they're saying, in my experience.

Good luck.

Dday -9/23/2012

Posts: 2313 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
♀ 34210
Member # 34210
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


no matter what, NC was broken, and in a major way, if she actually gave him this thing, and he never mentioned it.

I can tell you my body is telling me I'm right. there's no denying how I feel right now. same as on DDay. I was looking at ALL THOSE TEXTS and my stomach knew.

I know now.

I just know it.

now to figure out a way to get the truth out of him.

he's an asshole.

eesh-- what an 'effing mess!!!

Posts: 540 | Registered: Dec 2011
♀ 42765
Member # 42765
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with the others; trust your gut. If you think something weird is going on, it probably is. With all that said, I'm so sorry you're going through this pain--again. Many ((((hugs)))) to you!

Me: BS
Him: WH (3 month OEA)
Known each other all our lives, Together 5.5 yrs, Married 4 yrs.
D-day: 3/8/14
Separated 3/8/14 and currently seeking IC

Posts: 56 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 5

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