Thanks, Ivy. I wish this was just a few days or even weeks. This feeling has been months in the making. My WH's ONS was in 2010. It's a very long, crazy, stupid story. I really should have pulled the plug a long time ago. I just really loved him so much. I do still have some love for him. I wish I didn't cause that would make the D decision so much easier.
The truth is I don't really want to D him, but I know that I can't forgive him, and there just isn't a third option. Believe me, I've searched for one so deperately.
And through all these years I've kept my son doing well in school, and kept a full time job, and just kept on surviving with no point left to my life. The day-to-day things just matter so little to me anymore. I'm just in too much pain to care.
I just want life to be easy again. And I know that won't happen again for a very long time, if ever. That hurts.
I don't like who I am, and I don't like who I was. I need to somehow figure out who to be, and I don't even know where to start.
It's coming up on 4 years in October. When does it start getting better?