First off I'm sorry to hear you son is in rehab. I've had several family members in and out for different reasons. It's very hard, and even harder not to be an enabler. I hope the best for your son and family.
On another note,
What would your priority list look like? What would your WH priority list look like?
When I was going crazy trying to figure out why WS wasn't focusing on us, I finally asked him what his priority list is for life/ for now. I was really suprised to find out we are on different wave lengths. His first priority was work. I was really disappointed when he said it, but then he followed it with " because it's important to me that you and the kids don't need or want for anything" I'm a SAHM so as nice as that can be it doesn't come with a paycheck. So it's all on him. He Works 630a- 7p Mon-sat. So the only day he has off is sunday, which is family day. We never have time or space for our relationship. My first priority is us. But I'm realizing how opposite we are. He is all about working, providing, more success, bigger homes. But I realized this is how he was raised, he believes this is what makes a MAN from a boy... where as I'm all about being happy, family, quality time, living life to the fullest,.... so we both really are one extreme or the other. It's hard trying to find a place in the middle. I think because we were such opposite it worked out for a long while. But it's time for change, I don't want to be one extreme, I want to be in the middle. If this all makes sense, great, I apologized if it's a bunch of blabbering blubber. I'm sorry you feel so stuck.