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WhatsRight posted 3/25/2014 08:04 AM

That was the response to my telling my husband that we need to do something about the state of our family.

Infidelity.

Son in rehab.

Etc.

His work is very demanding right now. We don't have the extra money. But when all that gets better, we will do something about it - i.e., get help.

Never mind that I tell him that until we get our 'insides' right, the 'outside' stuff will not be right. Never mind a little thing called priorities.

I want there to be a different interpretation of this whole mess, but I think the truth is that we just aren't on the top of the priority list.

I MUST do something to try to heal some of our family's wounds. If I leave my husband, I will have no finances to do anything - so I'm not sure what that would help.

Something has to give.

karmahappens posted 3/25/2014 08:51 AM

Hi WhatsRight :)

So there are things in the family you need to start taking steps to fix.

The marriage we know, takes 2 people. If he isn't ready or willing you then have to concentrate on the part you can control...you.

Can you start taking baby steps towards your healing, individual of him?

I am sorry for your son, we have dealt with addiction in our home too and it is probably one of the most painful experiences to witness a child so lost and self-destructive. Is he safe? (I assume so, in rehab). Can you contact the rehab to inquire about family therapy to help you all through this? It is definitely a family disease even though he is the one showing the worst signs, family therapy is usually the norm with addiciton.

You cannot carry it all on your own, so choose what needs the attention in the moment and do what you can.

No matter where you lend your focus right now remember to take care of you.

kate0421 posted 3/25/2014 09:06 AM

First off I'm sorry to hear you son is in rehab. I've had several family members in and out for different reasons. It's very hard, and even harder not to be an enabler. I hope the best for your son and family.

On another note,
What would your priority list look like? What would your WH priority list look like?

When I was going crazy trying to figure out why WS wasn't focusing on us, I finally asked him what his priority list is for life/ for now. I was really suprised to find out we are on different wave lengths. His first priority was work. I was really disappointed when he said it, but then he followed it with " because it's important to me that you and the kids don't need or want for anything" I'm a SAHM so as nice as that can be it doesn't come with a paycheck. So it's all on him. He Works 630a- 7p Mon-sat. So the only day he has off is sunday, which is family day. We never have time or space for our relationship. My first priority is us. But I'm realizing how opposite we are. He is all about working, providing, more success, bigger homes. But I realized this is how he was raised, he believes this is what makes a MAN from a boy... where as I'm all about being happy, family, quality time, living life to the fullest,.... so we both really are one extreme or the other. It's hard trying to find a place in the middle. I think because we were such opposite it worked out for a long while. But it's time for change, I don't want to be one extreme, I want to be in the middle. If this all makes sense, great, I apologized if it's a bunch of blabbering blubber. I'm sorry you feel so stuck.