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Newest Member: Shattered31 (45724)

User Topic: Do Something, Im Giving Up On You
callmecrazy
♀ 38765
Member # 38765
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After a very long 18 months, it seems I know most of what has happened along with the other things I have known and collected for 7.5 years. He is being kind and answering questions...hes talking and talking and talking and...
I just want him to shut up and do what Ive asked. Oh you are all better from your needing attention and getting it from other women...you who has lied to me constantly for 7.5 years are SAYING you are better...GO TO COUNSELING...
You dont need to tell your accountability buddy your problems becuase they arent current problems bc you say you are all better and just have to help me through my hurt...CONFESS TO YOUR ACCOUNTABLITY PARTNER YOUR PROBLEMS...

More ways to not actually put in real effort. Ive set a deadline. Ive put up with far too much and have stayed far too long. His words make me angry, he wouldnt be being honest had I not found the truth myself, so its not even like he came clean so I can appreciate his honesty. UGH...hope can be a beautiful thing but can also kick you in the butt! Heres to hoping he can DO SOMETHING, but more so hoping that I stick to my boundaries and dont get hoovered into even more BS.
Vent over, thank you.


Posts: 279 | Registered: Mar 2013
BtraydWife
♀ 42581
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is my WH to a T so I understand your feelings.

I told him last night that he has it in himself to be whoever he wants to be. He will only be defined by his personal mistakes if he doesn't learn and grow from them.

He's been clinging to words his therapist have said. He made a bad choice, he's not a bad person. I said maybe yeah if you make the same bad choice once or twice. When it's a choice you make day after day then that's a behavior and our repeat behavior is our character.

Applause for you for being strong enough to require what you need. ((callmecrazy))


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 2377 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
hopefulmother
♀ 38790
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

16months since real D-day and we are finally starting MC.

I am hoping this will make me feel better about the extra stuff he didn't choose to do for us.

Like IC, reading, posting...etc.

Maybe she can help deal with whether it is just who he is....or he doesn't want to be taken out of his comfort zone...or he really doesn't care that much to put in the extra effort short of self-reflection and promises.

I get you...do the damn extra work on your own without me prompting you!!!

For once in this whole mess, take the lead in a beneficial way.

The sad thing...for me...it just makes things worse. Resentment builds while I do all the questioning and hard work. All the while hearing, but "I am being a better man. I am still here, answering questions. I didn't leave. I am putting up with all this craziness (with remorse)."

I sure hope MC helps me with these things. Or the fall-out after the A is what will be the real reason I leave.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 10yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 953 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
Topic Posts: 3

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