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User Topic: Hope you read....my yoga moment
LA44
♀ 38384
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yesterday I went back to yoga for the first time since before the holidays. Ouch! I remembered when I first started yoga. I could barely get through 30 seconds without my brain trying to think of something else which may work on the treadmill...but not in yoga. Yoga requires you to Be Present. Listen to your body. Listen and Learn.

So, there I was doing something, bendy-like and it hurt. I won't lie. I started to question what I was doing there. And our instructor said, "If this feels uncomfortable, it is your body's way of telling you, 'okay, that's as far as I will go so stop' but (she said), take another deep breath and lean into that discomfort. Your body will give you more if you give it time. Keep breathing. Work with it."

So I did. I felt the much-needed stretch in my hips and didn't think I could go any further but the breathing helped. I realized dealing with the A and R is a lot like that moment in yoga.

There are going to be extremely difficult and painful moments. In fact, at first it is like one, big awful moment. So feel it. Don't rug sweep. Don't lie to yourself about what is in front of you or look to the past and how "good things were". Breathe. Lean in. Breathe again.

Not used to expressing your wants/needs to your spouse? Feels....weird? Well, if you are not going to do it now, when?

Say it. Write it. Express it. It's there! Don't bury it. This is an OPPORTUNITY.

I usually shed a few tears during the last few moments of yoga and yesterday was no exception. I never see them coming. They are quiet. No one knows. But I guess it is my body's way of letting go. Out with the bad, in with the good.

Don't run away from the uncomfortable, painful moments. Lean in to them. Breathe. Keep breathing. You can do this.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2675 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Joanh
♀ 39146
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope you don't mind me commenting,

Thank you.


BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

Posts: 437 | Registered: Apr 2013
LA44
♀ 38384
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Of course not, Joanh. Anything I post is for every single person on this sight. Anytime.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2675 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Zengirl
♀ 42195
Member # 42195
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Triple like.


Me (BW): 40
Married: 15 years
3 kids
D-Day: 10/13

Posts: 164 | Registered: Jan 2014
Crushed15Feb13
♂ 38846
Member # 38846
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's a great analogy, LA44.

Curious, was the pose, Pigeon? I am beginning Yoga and that's one I have trouble with (among many others). But I definitely feel Yoga practice helps me think about something other than my WWs affair, at least for a time....

[This message edited by Crushed15Feb13 at 1:04 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)]


Me: BH, 54
Her: WW, 54 4 yr LTA
Married 32 yrs, 2 college age boys
DDay #1: 15Feb13 - LTA 2008-2013
DDay #2: 27Jan14 - ONS, same AP 2007 - turns out it was a 6 yr LTA
Trying to understand

Posts: 267 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Colorado
LA44
♀ 38384
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

haha, yes Crushed! It was pigeon. Honestly, I have had a couple surgeries on one knee so it does not have the strength and mobility it used too. My hip is a mess! I do what I can.

@Zengirl, thanks!


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2675 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
authenticnow
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love yoga for so many reasons.

Thanks for this insightful post .


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38925 | Registered: Sep 2007
SpotlessMind
♀ 41775
Member # 41775
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wonderful post, thank you!

You've inspired me to look into a nearby yoga class. I've always been more of a runner/elliptical type, but I've been working on mindfulness a lot lately, and I think yoga could only help.


fWS/BS--me
BH/WH--him
Married: 12 yrs
D-Day: October
Kids: yes

Posts: 277 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Where am I?
Crushed15Feb13
♂ 38846
Member # 38846
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((LA44)))

There is a reason it is referred to as practice. I feel completely OK about not being able to do many of the poses well or even gracefully, because I am improving.

There is definitely something about it that helps. And finding a good instructor makes a difference too. I encourage you to check it out, Spotless.


Me: BH, 54
Her: WW, 54 4 yr LTA
Married 32 yrs, 2 college age boys
DDay #1: 15Feb13 - LTA 2008-2013
DDay #2: 27Jan14 - ONS, same AP 2007 - turns out it was a 6 yr LTA
Trying to understand

Posts: 267 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Colorado
rachelc
♀ 30314
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hot yoga saved me! Can't tell you how many times I cried at the end, not knowing why...
Great post and link to how we must heal...


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5750 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Rebreather
♀ 30817
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HA! I thought it said my "Yoda" moment, and so I am reading, "Mmmghmm, Hope, you read, mmghmm" in my Yoda voice. Alas. Not a Yoda post.

Fucking pigeon. Breathe through your hip. My hips don't have lungs!

But you are right, leaning into the pain is a great way to force it to lessen, and then we gain strength from there.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Rec'd.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6693 | Registered: Jan 2011
bionicgal
♀ 39803
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mr. Bionicgal and I do yoga together a couple times a week - and last night, our 10 year old did it with us for the first time! It was a really touching thing -- it was not an easy class, and he hung right in there.

I think yoga has given me a lot of strength and patience in this difficult time. It reminds me to just "show up" on the mat, and that I can do things that I never thought I could with sustained effort.

There is a 30-day yoga challenge that is coming up April 1st that is online if anyone is interested. . . we did it last time and it was a great way to deepen our practice. You pay a little bit, but get a t-shirt and a bunch of motivational stuff via facebook and email. Just google "wild abundant life" and yoga challenge and you can find it.

Anyway, glad to see all the yogis, and glad you are back practicing LA! What a great epiphany you had.


me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.

Posts: 2244 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
veronique12
♀ 42185
Member # 42185
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks LA. I know what you mean. My yoga instructor reminds our class often that those poses that don't come easy are the ones we should be spending more time in. Love the analogy to the A and R. So true.


BW: me (38)
WH: 43
OW: false "friend"
D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for nearly 20 years
2 beautiful young kids

Posts: 571 | Registered: Jan 2014
catlover50
♀ 37154
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's lovely. I have been doing Bikram (hot yoga) and sometimes my H joins me. I really try to stay present, which is a constant struggle for me, especially now. But I succeed more in that room than anywhere else.

The other day I started the class by crying. Before class a woman in front of me was telling the man next to her about how her boyfriend of three years had cheated on her and how she had never felt such pain. I got up, got a piece of paper and wrote "survivinginfidelity.com" on it to give to her after class but she left before I did. Her story caused me to lie there quietly and cry. Thankfully the practice restored me.

Thanks for sharing!



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1845 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
OnAnIsland
♀ 34319
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yup. yoga helped me get through to today. just show up, listen to your body, be present... and yes those tears. thanks.


D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou


Posts: 1482 | Registered: Dec 2011
unfound
♀ 12802
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


ka-mai
*******************
From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14876 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
AML04
♀ 39682
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for sharing. For most of my life I leaned away from the painful but I'm doing better with it now. I may just check out some yoga classes or at least a DVD


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
LA44
♀ 38384
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You've inspired me to look into a nearby yoga class. I've always been more of a runner/elliptical type

Wow! Thanks Spotless. That made me feel great! I do the elliptical mostly but yoga brings me peace. And damn! You don't think much of it until the next day when you can barely walk. Isn't that right, Rebreather? Rebreather?....

Fucking pigeon. Breathe through your hip. My hips don't have lungs!

catlover...

I got up, got a piece of paper and wrote "survivinginfidelity.com" on it to give to her after class but she left before I did.

I have actually had this image of myself - I know it will happen one day. I hope you see this person again. A very kind gesture.

@bionic...your son taking the class. How sweet!

Thanks for reading SI friends.

Namaste


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2675 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
cinnamongurl
♀ 37879
Member # 37879
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you LA for this! It is so very timely for me both physically and mentally. After a long few months of nursing a broken toe and some torn ligaments, I'm getting very near an opportunity to trade work for yoga. I feel so tight and out of shape both physically and mentally, but I think I'm about ready to start "bending into" my pain. Thanks again!

~CG~


Me: 36 fWGF He: 35 BBF and my heart
Together 18 yrs. Many ddays, last one late 8/12 "Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." Tori Amos



Posts: 514 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: home with my heart.
Mommato5
♀ 42624
Member # 42624
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I recently started yoga and when we are asked to be intentional at the beginning, infidelity is all I think about. I havent cried at the end, but I am guessing I will after reading this!

Namaste


Psalms 147:3
Married 19 years, 9 months and 1 day. The day my marriage died.
5 fabulous kids with tragically broken hearts

Posts: 43 | Registered: Mar 2014
Topic Posts: 38
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