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justme1264 posted 3/25/2014 13:11 PM

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[This message edited by justme1264 at 6:05 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)]

justme1264 posted 3/25/2014 13:58 PM

removed

[This message edited by justme1264 at 6:05 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)]

norabird posted 3/25/2014 13:59 PM

I failed as a man and husband.


Please stop these negative thoughts. They are not true.

We all blame ourselves. We all feel a twinge of fear as to our failures. Yet the only thing we can be truly said to have failed at is choosing a decent partner.

Free yourself from blame right now. you are crushed and hurting. Why add to your burden with negative thoughts? Why increase your suffering by telling yourself you must deserve this or that you invited it?

You do not deserve this. You are worth more.

Especially give your previous suicide attempt, I hope you get into IC (individual counseling) right now, maybe even twice a week, in order to deal with this mess.

You are starting to find your path. You will learn from painful mistakes that No Contact = No new hurts. You will begin to build up your own areas of happiness. Friendships, hobbies; your self-worth will recover and be stronger than ever. Just be good to yourself, invest in your healing, feel the betrayal as much as you need to, rely on friends and family for support. It is an awful situation but the best we can do is to look toward a new future and start to rebuild for ourselves.

Long Gone posted 3/25/2014 14:01 PM

No kids right?


My advice? I would Run.......probably not the advice you were looking for....but it is what I would do.

You didnt fail shit....she did.....for better or worse right?

There is life on the other side.

Breezy150 posted 3/25/2014 14:01 PM

(((Justme1264)))

I am so sorry that you have to go through any of this. Please take care of yourself, eat, drink water, and sleep. You are the most important thing right now, you and only you.

Keep reading and posting (venting if you need to) everyone in this stupid club is here to support you.

Again I am so sorry that you have to go through any of this.

justme1264 posted 3/25/2014 14:16 PM

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[This message edited by justme1264 at 6:05 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)]

justme1264 posted 3/25/2014 14:19 PM

*Breezy150*

This is sound advice - drinking, eating, working out, taking care of the basics is number one. It is amazing how challenging these simple things are at this time. I have been through incredible trials in my life and even this is more difficult than almost all of them. Thank you.

Jrazz posted 3/25/2014 14:30 PM

I'm so sorry, justme. You've been through so much... I wish you had better support IRL.

There is ALWAYS hope, even though it feels so bleak right now. I'm going to bump a post I wrote for people in your exact position.

When I came here, I was just as shattered and despondent as anyone. My 10,000th post was written by a new person.

Keep an eye out... I have to go find it...

Sending you hugs and strength in the meantime. Be gentle with yourself.

twisted posted 3/25/2014 14:54 PM

I just am so confused and filled with self blame. If i was a better husband, if I didnt try to take my life then she wouldnt have gone to another man, if I was more in control of my emotions then she would have felt safer talking to me. If I was more of a man than she would love me.

That's not how this works. She cheats because SHE is broken. You are an excuse, she is the reason.

minutes later I get a call from him threatening me with a restraining order.

Really? Most cops I know would have told him that's what he gets for messing with a married woman.
Why would you get a rat's ass what the OM thinks, what his parents think, or for that matter what your cheating wife thinks. Expose them all to the light of day. I'll never lose sleep again over a cheating woman, cause there's lots of them out there, and most are pretty decent.
I always think one should be the bigger man and do the gentlemanly thing,.... after you take a flame thrower to all you problems, just walk away.
(figuratively speaking, of course)

justme1264 posted 3/25/2014 18:08 PM

Sorry everyone, I had to remove my post for a legal matter and to protect myself. I will repost in the future when I can leave out identifying information. Again, thank all of you. You have made day 2 survivable.

norabird posted 3/25/2014 23:37 PM

I hope you can turn to a counselor IRL for support in the interim. Sending peace and strength. Good luck to you, take care of yourself, and remember--this isn't your fault.

Uhtred posted 3/26/2014 09:04 AM

Hey brother I hate to hear you're in despair. I'm not going to tell you it's going to be easy on you because it's not. One day at a time friend your still very raw.

Don't measure your self worth on someone who is acting like a sorry excuse for a human being. You are worth so much more and I promise you as time passes you'll see it. Take up a physical hobby. Lift weights, get yourself in the best shape of your life. Get some confidence back. You're a man not a mouse.

Let your wife see that you are confident and can move on with or without her. Let her see that you are not a man to be fucked with. I know your hurting but don't hang yourself up on her. She's the one in the wrong not you. I feel like I never have much advice to give because I'm only 10 months out and ate up with a red ass still but I do know these suggestions will help you brother. I wish you all the best and we're all here to lend our support.

spanz posted 3/26/2014 09:50 AM

Praying for you brother. stay strong.

Thinkingtoomuch posted 3/26/2014 11:06 AM


Hi, justme.

I was just thinking yesterday what a complete zombie I was 3 years ago. Just walking around not knowing what I was doing. Not able to think straight. Rug completely pulled out from under.
Had no idea if I'd come out of it.

You are at the roughest point right now. None of this is your fault, really.

6 things helped me the most:

Talking to my closest family/friends ALOT.
Reading, reading SI everyday.
Working my engaging job (got me out of myself).
IC.
Walking every day outside.
Drinking lots of fluids and kept eating.

It truly will get better. Hang tight.


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