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Newest Member: 4ever2gether (45763)

User Topic: So scared and down
justme1264
♂ 42890
Member # 42890
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

removed

[This message edited by justme1264 at 6:05 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)]


Me 30s = BS
Her 20s= WW
She had two affairs between 2012-2014 that are confirmed. DD#1 3/2014. DD#2 11/2014.
Divorcing 11/2014
R? = I am still trying to figure that out.

Posts: 469 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: California
justme1264
♂ 42890
Member # 42890
Helpless  Posted: 1:58 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

removed

[This message edited by justme1264 at 6:05 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)]


Me 30s = BS
Her 20s= WW
She had two affairs between 2012-2014 that are confirmed. DD#1 3/2014. DD#2 11/2014.
Divorcing 11/2014
R? = I am still trying to figure that out.

Posts: 469 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: California
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I failed as a man and husband.


Please stop these negative thoughts. They are not true.

We all blame ourselves. We all feel a twinge of fear as to our failures. Yet the only thing we can be truly said to have failed at is choosing a decent partner.

Free yourself from blame right now. you are crushed and hurting. Why add to your burden with negative thoughts? Why increase your suffering by telling yourself you must deserve this or that you invited it?

You do not deserve this. You are worth more.

Especially give your previous suicide attempt, I hope you get into IC (individual counseling) right now, maybe even twice a week, in order to deal with this mess.

You are starting to find your path. You will learn from painful mistakes that No Contact = No new hurts. You will begin to build up your own areas of happiness. Friendships, hobbies; your self-worth will recover and be stronger than ever. Just be good to yourself, invest in your healing, feel the betrayal as much as you need to, rely on friends and family for support. It is an awful situation but the best we can do is to look toward a new future and start to rebuild for ourselves.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4203 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Long Gone
♂ 32587
Member # 32587
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No kids right?


My advice? I would Run.......probably not the advice you were looking for....but it is what I would do.

You didnt fail shit....she did.....for better or worse right?

There is life on the other side.


D-Day 11/26/10

Posts: 772 | Registered: Jun 2011
Breezy150
♀ 42421
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Justme1264)))

I am so sorry that you have to go through any of this. Please take care of yourself, eat, drink water, and sleep. You are the most important thing right now, you and only you.

Keep reading and posting (venting if you need to) everyone in this stupid club is here to support you.

Again I am so sorry that you have to go through any of this.


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 544 | Registered: Feb 2014
justme1264
♂ 42890
Member # 42890
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

removed

[This message edited by justme1264 at 6:05 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)]


Me 30s = BS
Her 20s= WW
She had two affairs between 2012-2014 that are confirmed. DD#1 3/2014. DD#2 11/2014.
Divorcing 11/2014
R? = I am still trying to figure that out.

Posts: 469 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: California
justme1264
♂ 42890
Member # 42890
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*Breezy150*

This is sound advice - drinking, eating, working out, taking care of the basics is number one. It is amazing how challenging these simple things are at this time. I have been through incredible trials in my life and even this is more difficult than almost all of them. Thank you.


Me 30s = BS
Her 20s= WW
She had two affairs between 2012-2014 that are confirmed. DD#1 3/2014. DD#2 11/2014.
Divorcing 11/2014
R? = I am still trying to figure that out.

Posts: 469 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: California
Jrazz
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry, justme. You've been through so much... I wish you had better support IRL.

There is ALWAYS hope, even though it feels so bleak right now. I'm going to bump a post I wrote for people in your exact position.

When I came here, I was just as shattered and despondent as anyone. My 10,000th post was written by a new person.

Keep an eye out... I have to go find it...

Sending you hugs and strength in the meantime. Be gentle with yourself.


"If the path you walk leads back to yourself, you'll never get anywhere." - Master Oogway

Posts: 18371 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
twisted
♂ 8873
Member # 8873
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just am so confused and filled with self blame. If i was a better husband, if I didnt try to take my life then she wouldnt have gone to another man, if I was more in control of my emotions then she would have felt safer talking to me. If I was more of a man than she would love me.

That's not how this works. She cheats because SHE is broken. You are an excuse, she is the reason.

minutes later I get a call from him threatening me with a restraining order.

Really? Most cops I know would have told him that's what he gets for messing with a married woman.
Why would you get a rat's ass what the OM thinks, what his parents think, or for that matter what your cheating wife thinks. Expose them all to the light of day. I'll never lose sleep again over a cheating woman, cause there's lots of them out there, and most are pretty decent.
I always think one should be the bigger man and do the gentlemanly thing,.... after you take a flame thrower to all you problems, just walk away.
(figuratively speaking, of course)


"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Posts: 1049 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Oklahoma
justme1264
♂ 42890
Member # 42890
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry everyone, I had to remove my post for a legal matter and to protect myself. I will repost in the future when I can leave out identifying information. Again, thank all of you. You have made day 2 survivable.


Me 30s = BS
Her 20s= WW
She had two affairs between 2012-2014 that are confirmed. DD#1 3/2014. DD#2 11/2014.
Divorcing 11/2014
R? = I am still trying to figure that out.

Posts: 469 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: California
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:37 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope you can turn to a counselor IRL for support in the interim. Sending peace and strength. Good luck to you, take care of yourself, and remember--this isn't your fault.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4203 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Uhtred
♂ 40392
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey brother I hate to hear you're in despair. I'm not going to tell you it's going to be easy on you because it's not. One day at a time friend your still very raw.

Don't measure your self worth on someone who is acting like a sorry excuse for a human being. You are worth so much more and I promise you as time passes you'll see it. Take up a physical hobby. Lift weights, get yourself in the best shape of your life. Get some confidence back. You're a man not a mouse.

Let your wife see that you are confident and can move on with or without her. Let her see that you are not a man to be fucked with. I know your hurting but don't hang yourself up on her. She's the one in the wrong not you. I feel like I never have much advice to give because I'm only 10 months out and ate up with a red ass still but I do know these suggestions will help you brother. I wish you all the best and we're all here to lend our support.


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 627 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
spanz
♂ 42715
Member # 42715
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Praying for you brother. stay strong.

Posts: 13 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: usa
Thinkingtoomuch
♀ 31765
Member # 31765
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Hi, justme.

I was just thinking yesterday what a complete zombie I was 3 years ago. Just walking around not knowing what I was doing. Not able to think straight. Rug completely pulled out from under.
Had no idea if I'd come out of it.

You are at the roughest point right now. None of this is your fault, really.

6 things helped me the most:

Talking to my closest family/friends ALOT.
Reading, reading SI everyday.
Working my engaging job (got me out of myself).
IC.
Walking every day outside.
Drinking lots of fluids and kept eating.

It truly will get better. Hang tight.



Posts: 822 | Registered: Apr 2011
Topic Posts: 14

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