Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-

SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Artarmon2064 (45754)

User Topic: Gave in and answerd the phone
LeftOutintheCold
♀ 42856
Member # 42856
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so mad at myself. I said I wasn't going to have any contact with my WH from this point on but on my terms. I saw he was calling me and I didn't answer it at first. I let a half hour go by and my curiosity was killing me even though I kept repeating to myself that he wasn't calling to tell me he's had a change of heart. Well, I called him back, but he didn't answer. I felt relieved.

Then he called again so I answered. He talked to me like he always has when he calls me. Wanted to know how the animals are here and how my week has been so far and about my son and his girlfriends new job. I gave him pretty short answers but found myself pulled into a conversation with him and talked about things that happened today at work. Real easy convo like we always used to have. While I hated myself for talking, I was promising myself not to ask him anything. And I didn't - like how he was or what he's been doing or what's going to happen next, etc. So he ended the convo with well, I'll call you later this week sometime. Although I did tell him I'd be needing some money for bills and such here after he told me that.

Why can't I hate him yet?? How do I find the strength to do the 180??? I am feeling so stupid and weak right now. This is not the relationship I want to have with him - I don't even know what this is with him right now.

I'm really hating myself.


Me - 42
WH - 40
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together 11yrs
Status - Headed towards Divorce

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2014
unfound
♀ 12802
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

it can take time and practice to do the 180...don't beat yourself up over it.

practice what you'll say if you *have* to talk with him about finances or on your terms. change his ringtone to you to a powerful song that will motivate you to not answer. change his name in your contacts to "don't answer" or 180".

it sounds like he's testing the waters to see how you'll react to his "normalcy".


ka-mai
*******************
From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14869 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
k94ever
♀ 11176
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you have his calls ring silent and go to VM on your phone?

You won't know he called, won't be tempted, and you can check your VM when YOU are ready.

If you are serious about not talking to him, take the necessary steps to do so.

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6614 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
LivingLearning
♀ 42637
Member # 42637
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The good news is you kept the answers short and you didn't ask him any questions. Not asking them any questions is the hardest part, at least in my mind.

Keep strong! You can do this!


Living and learning how to move forward
Me: BGf
Him: WBf
Dday: 02/2013

Posts: 116 | Registered: Mar 2014
Harriet
♀ 34543
Member # 34543
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I made my ring tone crickets chirping, just to remind myself.


D-Day Spring 2008
3 years false R
Divorce Final 6/7/12

Posts: 538 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: California
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No one says it's easy. ((((Hugs)))))

Experience usually gives the harshest lessons. Just keep getting back on the horse. You will get there.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4203 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Tawnee1969
♀ 12358
Member # 12358
Default  Posted: 3:39 AM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Change his contact name in your phone to "Do not answer"


Is the f*cking you're getting, worth the f*cking you're getting?

Posts: 661 | Registered: Oct 2006
Tawnee1969
♀ 12358
Member # 12358
Default  Posted: 3:39 AM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Change his contact name in your phone to "Do not answer"


Is the f*cking you're getting, worth the f*cking you're getting?

Posts: 661 | Registered: Oct 2006
LeftOutintheCold
♀ 42856
Member # 42856
Default  Posted: 4:37 AM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks you all. I just feel like I'm playing some awful game that I don't know the rules to...


Me - 42
WH - 40
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together 11yrs
Status - Headed towards Divorce

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2014
SeekingPeace84
♀ 42765
Member # 42765
Default  Posted: 5:19 AM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just feel like I'm playing some awful game that I don't know the rules to...

I can so relate to this! First off, huge hugs ((((((LeftOutintheCold))))))!!!! And secondly, be gentle with yourself, my dear. You are new to this. I consider it a success because you didn't ask any questions of him. Good job! Give yourself a C+ and shoot for an A+ next time!

Another thing that I've realized in my own experience with the 180 is that I don't have to bear the responsibility of getting everything right after my WH f**ked my whole world up. HE is the one who changed everything, and you are not the one who now has to get everything perfect or things will never be fixed. That's not how this works, sweetie. That burden does not belong on your shoulders, it belongs squarely on the WS's cheating shoulders.

Give yourself GRACE when you stumble...TIME to learn all these 'new rules'....LOVE when you don't follow the plan you had in mind...and most of all, FAITH in your incredible strength under terrible stress and pressure. You can do this. We can do this. I am rooting for you, praying for you, and sending you strength. It'll be ok, even when it feels like it won't be.

(((((LeftOutintheCold)))))


Me: BS
Him: WH (3 month OEA)
Known each other all our lives, Together 5.5 yrs, Married 4 yrs.
D-day: 3/8/14
Separated 3/8/14 and currently seeking IC

Posts: 56 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: USA
justinpaintoday
♂ 42858
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think SeekingPeace gives great advise.

The 180, although designed for u has an element I personally can't ignore. "How do I shift my primary focus upon me when for years the focus rested upon my spouse". It feels selfish because it is not natural. 2 got married and became 1.

As a recovering codependant ( i can say recovering now) the 180 us brutal. I am 4 days in and my wifes response has been apathy. It as if she sold her soul to the devil and he took her heart as well. I rest on the advise of those that gone before me on this site.

Even though i pray for R. I know that regardless of outcome the 180 will improve my relationship with me.

Stay strong. We believe in you.


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
Topic Posts: 11

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
adultry
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.