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He "met someone"...

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luvbug0915 posted 3/25/2014 20:16 PM

xso has been very supportive and helpful through the multiple traumas in my life over the past month.
He kept my dogs, helped pack my apartment, stored all my stuff in his tailer then moved me into my new place back on the 15th.
He stopped by this evening to pick something up and to help me with a pc issue. When he was leaving I asked if he meant to unfriend me on FB and he said yes, he did it because he is trying to move on. I made the stupid mistake of asking him how that's working out for him. He said it's been painful and hard and that he knows it will get better, then went on to say he "met someone". He says they are taking it slow. Of course I tried to keep a poker face but my heart just ripped in two.
It's been 4 months and I can't even think about meeting anyone. I find myself wondering how the hell he found the time and energy, what with full custody of his 14 yr old and her busy schedule. I know it's none of my business, I know we made the right decision in splitting up and I know I will eventually be happier in the long run. It just hurts so damn bad to know that he is dating already.
I also made the very stupid decision to check his FB and saw several pictures of the two of them together, they have the same profile picture of the two of them.

I just need hugs, I'm not handling this well at all.

gahurts posted 3/25/2014 20:33 PM

So sorry you are dealing with this. I've been wondering how you've been doing and I know it's been tough. Hang in there. It will get better.

sheila0304 posted 3/25/2014 20:37 PM

(((luvbug)))
I also have a hard time moving on from relationships. Be kind to yourself.

Williesmom posted 3/25/2014 21:02 PM

I'm sorry. That sucks.

Brandon808 posted 3/25/2014 21:16 PM

(((luvbug0915)))

MovingUpward posted 3/25/2014 21:18 PM

((((luvbug)))

luvbug0915 posted 3/25/2014 21:36 PM

Thanks for the hugs, maybe they'll help me sleep tonight.

norabird posted 3/25/2014 23:17 PM

If it makes you feel better, I think new insta-couples (especially if one recently broke up) who put up a shared profile pic of themselves are ridiculous!!!! This isn't middle school. He is just putting on a bandage. It's not a good foundation to start from.

CheshCat posted 3/25/2014 23:50 PM

Ya know... I think you're doing awesome.

Look at how mature and reasoned you were!
Look how you've maintained your self confidence and integrity in the wake of a surprise blow.

You hurt, yes.

But you ALSO didn't completely freak out, lash out, or start second guessing all of your decisions. You're able to look and judge that despite the pain you know this is still the right decision for you, and that your current plans and goals are good ones.

And you did all of this completely blindsided, AND after a month of renewed intimacy which was bound to pull up old scripts on a gut level, even though you know intellectually you two are seperate... All the help this past month has GOT to have this a particularly difficult trial.

Just look atcha!
At how much you've grown, and how strong you've become.

I can only imagine how much of a rock star you'll be in 4 more months.

Good on you.

You did great.

Chesh

luvbug0915 posted 3/26/2014 01:08 AM

I've been tossing and turning for 3 hours now unable to sleep in spite of the temazapam.
Norabird, I had the same thoughts. I think this new woman is just a bandaid. If our split was as heartbreaking for him as he claims it was, there is no way he is healed enough for a new relationship. I do still love him though and ultimately I just want him to be happy so if this sticks and he's happy then I'll be happy for him.
Chesh, thanks so much for recognizing the growth and strength it took to get through that conversation. You are so right, spot on in all your observations. I just have to remind myself of all that when I start to feel down on myself.
I had come such a long way during my vacation and was ready to come home, let it all go and begin the process of moving on. Then all hell broke loose and he was there for me more than anyone else. Yes, that did create an intimacy that I thought we were past and I was seriously thinking we could remain friends. He has said many times that he will always be here for me and to call or text if I need help with anything. I can't see that happening now. I blocked him on FB tonight so I wouldn't be tempted to keep checking his page and torturing myself with pictures of his new and happy life. BTW, she's younger and prettier than me...that stings.

woundedby2 posted 3/26/2014 02:01 AM

(((luvbug))) I hope you've been able to get to sleep and that things will look brighter with the morning sun.

sadcat posted 3/26/2014 06:13 AM

((((luvbug)))

Would calling him names help? I can work up some really good one for you.....

So sorry you are hurting.

luvbug0915 posted 3/26/2014 06:41 AM

wb2 I was able to manage about 3.5 hrs sleep, I guess it's better than nothing.
sadcat, if I thought it would help I'd call you so we could have a bash fest.
What I learned about about myself in the past few months is that it's so much easier for me to be angry at him than to let myself feel the hurt and disappointment. I think this is why it's taken me so long to let it go.
I'm hurting, I need to acknowledge it, embrace it, feel it and push through the pain in order to let it go. I was there a month ago, I know I can get there again.

Dreamboat posted 3/26/2014 10:21 AM

((((luvbug)))

I am so sorry.

I also agree that you showed a lot of strength thru all of this. And I am sure hearing (and seeing) that he has "moved on" just added more hurt on top of hurt.

Honestly, it sounds like he is scared to be alone. Some people are unable to not be with someone -- they feel incomplete without someone. And they are not willing to be just with themselves because then they may have to face their own demons. Better to distract themselves with someone else.

But even knowing that, I am sure ti still hurts deeply.

(((more hugs)))

Kajem posted 3/26/2014 10:29 AM

(((((((Luvbug)))))))

thyme2go posted 3/26/2014 10:38 AM

Four months seems like plenty of time to me to have "healed" and moved on. Life is to short IMHO. I do not see how he is a bad guy.

This has to be better than having him stalk you or some other creepy behavior like that.

Hugz!

-t2g

luvbug0915 posted 3/26/2014 11:59 AM

Dreamy I don't think he is afraid to be alone, I think he needs external validation.

t2g normally I would agree with you, but not in this instance. We lived together, we had a life together and we were still very much in love when we decided to split up. I stayed there 5 weeks post split until I could afford to move out on Dec 21st. Of the two of us, he is the more emotional and sensitive.

In early Feb we had an email exchange in which I said something unintentionally that hurt his feelings. He responded with something to the effect of "thanks for the kick in the gut, you just ripped my heart out all over again".
Now, a mere 6 weeks later, not only has he met someone but they have a shared profile picture on FB.

I do think he's using her as a band aide, I just hope neither of them end up hurt.

luvbug0915 posted 3/26/2014 13:33 PM

I was looking through some files here at work and ran across this poem that I saved nearly 5 yrs ago. I think I got it off SI, but I'm not sure. My apologies for not acknowledging the original poster if it came from here.
I think I'm going to print it out and hang it at my desk. I need to read this every day until it sticks.

After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open,
With the grace of a woman,
Not the grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine
Burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth,
and you learn and learn...
With every good bye you learn.
Focus on the good.... stay on top of the bad... don't let it get you down. Walk with your head up and eyes open.
Walk with a purpose. Know who you are and that you are really worth everything you have ever thought you deserve. Be happy and above all SMILE!

thyme2go posted 3/26/2014 13:37 PM

I was engaged to be M'ed. In early August she up and poofed on me. Absolute NC since that day. Yeah, heart ripped out.

By early September I was in a new relationship but we concluded it was too soon for both for both of us. I did some OLD'ing in October and November but it became apparent work had me being too busy with all of the travel I was doing so I stopped. Come mid December I met someone IRL that has turned into an amazing relationship.

Again, I will say I do not think four months is too soon. Especially to guys.

Healing time is different for everyone. Moving on is not an insult or a bad thing.

-t2g

luvbug0915 posted 3/26/2014 14:13 PM

t2g, you're right.
Everyone heals at their own pace and I never said he was a bad guy for moving on or beginning to date. I was simply expressing how it makes me feel. And just like everyone heals at their own pace, everyone is entitled to their own feelings.

Part of the reason I'm having a hard time with this is because we have stayed in contact the entire time. We have financial ties as well as shared "custody" of dogs that we adopted together. I think if we were complete NC it would be easier for me.
Also, every time I've seen him in the last month he has hugged me, told me how much he misses me and even kissed me once. His actions in the past month have not matched with someone who is moving on.
Then out of the blue I get hit with this news and I think I have every right to my emotions whether anyone agrees with them or not.

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