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Fool me twice, shame on mew

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Foolme1 posted 3/25/2014 21:26 PM

I'm back. A lot of you may say "I told you so". It's ok. Just say it. I know. My intuition has been naggingr me for the past two years. Tonight, I found conformation. I found this nicely folded up letter in his wallet, dated 12/24/13:

Dearest douche,

thank you for this wonderful gift. I am very happy...I couldn't wait to try it out. I have a lot of work to do. I need more practice and patience.

You are so amazing!!! You are the best present ever. Merry Christmas to you/us! <3 twatwaffle.

I'm surprisingly calm. Haven't confronted. Gonna sleep on it. I tool the note (he SAVED it, in his wallet) and hid it between my phone/phone case. Meeting friend for dinner now.

Oh, we have a 4 year old. She's the reason I hung on for so long. Hoping.

FixYou71 posted 3/25/2014 22:54 PM

Oh, Foolme1, I'm so sorry. How awful. Out of curiosity, if you dont mind sharing, what did recovery look like the first time he cheated and you took him back? Was there counseling? Was there true remorse? Was there transparency, full disclosure, no contact with AP?
I hope you let him deal fully with the brunt of the consequences of his A and force him to move out. He is not your financial responsibility now. He made his bed. Now he should have to deal with the aftermath, an aftermath that will never come close to comparing with what you are going to be dealing with emotionally. Have you read from the healing library?
Please keep coming back here for support. We're here for you. Take care of yourself and please remember this is not about you or how good you are or how beautiful you are. It's about him. He is broken. Right now he doesn't deserve you.

Breezy150 posted 3/25/2014 22:55 PM

I am so sorry.


Foolme1 posted 3/25/2014 23:12 PM

Ill have to respond tomorrow as I'm typing on my phone. I've decided to put this nicely folded note on the counter tomorrow before I leave for work, with my own note "so what did you get her?" I could care less if it gives him all day to come up with an excuse. I just want him to know what I found and that's it. Then calmly discuss how to co parent our daughter together and how we will be telling her hat daddy is leaving but he's not leaving her.

That's the hardest part. Our daughter. Daddy's girl.

norabird posted 3/25/2014 23:22 PM

I'm sorry.

Your daughter is so young that she will adjust. It will be hard of course, I know she will be impacted, but she won't have many memories once she's older of life pre-co-parenting. And you can stand by her in this time and be her rock. I hope you find a great lawyer to get the best situation for you all.

Sending peace and strength.

Foolme1 posted 3/26/2014 08:00 AM

Woke up shaking uncontrollably. Still haven't cried. Just anxiety attack USA. Can't even put makeup on without shaking

Take2 posted 3/26/2014 08:26 AM

(((Foolme1))) Sit down. Take a deep slow breath, let it out even slower.

"Love is not love. Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove..."

You aren't losing love here - he doesn't know what love is... but someone out there does....

SadInNC posted 3/26/2014 08:28 AM

Of course you are shaking with anxiety. I would be, too. Take care of yourself. Breath. Drink water. Make a Dr appt for yourself. After you confront him with that note, you might need meds. I'm so sorry for your pain.

shiloe posted 3/26/2014 08:33 AM

I am so sorry this happened to you again.
I too gave as second chance only to get knifed in the back again years later.

Do not give him the original letter. Make a copy.
He will destroy it and tell family and friends you are crazy and there was no letter.

Stay strong.

Oh, is the OW married?

Out her if she is.

Foolme1 posted 3/26/2014 08:41 AM

I left her note (I don't want it. I took a pic of it though) with my note on top "so what did u get her?" I'm waiting for the hateful texts of how I snooped. Etc. I don't even care anymore. Now I'm just nauseous. Hoping I can keep food down

AlwaysTooNice posted 3/26/2014 08:46 AM

I'm so sorry your WH has broken your heart again. How dare he! Please take care of yourself. Call out of work if you can't handle it. Sip on ice water. Hug your daughter. (((((Fooleme1)))))

justinpaintoday posted 3/26/2014 08:49 AM

Foolme: We are here for you. You and your daugther deserve better then this. Take some time for yourself.

You have nothing to regret in trying to save your marriage. You acted honerably and in fulfillment to the vows you made. Your H is the fault here. How a spouse can be so selfish and sacrifice their family is beyond my understanding. I think that is why my own WW betrayal is so crushing because I could never even imagine hurting her or my children this way.

You keep us posted. We are all pulling for you.

Foolme1 posted 3/26/2014 09:22 AM

Ok, I am at work now and I have some time. HOpefully I answer some questions.

When I was pregnant with our daughter, he cheated on me and left me on his own will. He had just gotten back from Iraq and claimd PTSD and that he just needed space. I found out shortly before out daughters birth that there was another woman for the past 6 months. We separated, reconciled, then separated again when he started another relationship with another woman. When our daughter was 1, I divorced him. A couple of months later, he showed up on my door step, crying practically, saying he made a huge mistake and he wanted a second chance. I gave in because of our duaghter. She deserved it. and if I didnt, i would have always wondered "what if". So, the first few weeks were bliss, we did marriage counseling, he was the ideal husband/boyfriend. Then, he texted me one more, a text htat did not make sense. Something along the lines of "I bet your picture is cuter with your messy hair". I immediatly logged in to his phone acct, and found a number that he was texting minutes before texting that to me. So I asked him what he was talkinga bout, and he said he was half asleep and must have texted me as part of his dream. Stupid me, I was determined to make this work, so I just shrugged it off. I did call the number and it was a female.

There were other instances too. Last may, I caught him text a female. She was talking about his cute butt, he was eating it up, they would meet for "study dates", I confronted him, and he denied anything happened, but me threatening to leave opened his eyes to what he has, blah blah blah. Again, I stayed. This girl that left teh note. I've ALWAYS had suspicions about her. He is in Nursing school. He doesn't work. the Militayr pays him to go to school. HE met her in nursing school. I've caught him texting her things like "Hey beautiful, sorry I didn't text back, I had my duaghter this weekend", like he had VISITATION with his daughter, not that he lives with her. In the back of my mind, I've always been suspeicious about her. I just so badly wanted this to work. for my duaghter. and because I just don't want to start all over.

He loses his military pay next month. I work a fulltime job and bring in $50k, so I AM OK financially. I DO NOT need him, HE NEEDS ME. and he pulls this shit. I have decided to start sleeping in my daughters room unitl our lease is up (May). I signed for a newer, nicer apartment yesterday, so in May, my daughter and I are moving. I donm't know where he is going. I will give him half of savings (thought a lot of you may disagree), because I can't just leave him homeless. Half of the savings is his anyways, from student loan refunds. I will give him that in May and wish him luck, bcause at the end of the day, we still have to be amicable and coparent together for the next 14 years. So, as nice as I may be, and hate it, I am doing this to benefit my daughter. She does not need to see us fighting, hating each other, or feel tension when we are near each other. ONce I give him the money and he moves out, he's on his own. I will not hold his hand and help him anymore.

I'm just shaking. I still haven't cried. I'm just exhausted.

***sorry for the spelling errors. I just don't even care today....

Foolme1 posted 3/26/2014 09:25 AM

This note, although I know it does, I need to hear it too. This CLEARLY sounds like a relationship, not just a girl with a crush. "You are the best present"..."Merry Christmas to you/us". "Thank you for the gift". He got her a Christmas gift. He bought my gift on 12/23-i know this because my stepson and him left that night to go get it. My stepson would have told me if he was taken to her house. So, she dated this 12/24. Between the time he got me my gift and the time she wrote this letter, he did not disappear. So, he got her her gift before he got me my gift. I am checking my bank statement now. MY BANK STATEMENT. with MY money. So technically, ****I****** got her a Christmas gift.

we picked up my stepson on the 22nd from the airport. my ex was home, had not disappeared the entire time my stepson was here. So clearly, he was thinking about her christmas gift before he was thinking about mine.

[This message edited by Foolme1 at 9:29 AM, March 26th (Wednesday)]

norabird posted 3/26/2014 10:01 AM

You have a great plan for yourself in getting a new place for you and your DD. You just focus on the two of you and be good to yourself honey. You deserve so much better and you are still really young--you have a whole new life ahead of you. I know right now you're mourning and in shock and traumatized but the sun is going to come out for you again one day, I promise.

SadInNC posted 3/26/2014 10:15 AM

You have nothing to regret in trying to save your marriage. You acted honerably and in fulfillment to the vows you made.

Remember this.

I'm glad you found a better apartment already for you and your DD. You will get through this and be stronger when you break free from his destruction. You sound like a terrific person and I know you'll have a better life in the future. Keep on keeping on!

Foolme1 posted 3/26/2014 10:48 AM

First text of the morning from him. I don't think he's found the note:

him: what's going on with you? You didn't say anything before you left yesterday and today

Me: crickets

Foolme1 posted 3/26/2014 11:44 AM

More unimportant texts from him pretending he still hasn't seen teh note. So, after many more texts asking me what my problem is, I sent him this:

I've always had that nagging feeling that you just can't be trusted. this entire relationship, youve proven time and time again that you just cannot be trusted. From female A, female B, texts that you've accidently sent me, among others. i turned the other cheek hoping and praying that things would change. that you COULD be faithful. Then I received enough evidence to prove that yes, I was right. Your a liar and a cheater. I'm exhausted. And I'm done. I'm a GOOD woman. I have done so much for you. Held your hand through so much. I wasn't perfect, but I tried to be a good woman to you. Its never enough and I'm done struggling to be "enough". I'm done with a relationship that I know I will never trust. this is not what I want for my life, and its not what I want for dd. we've essentially turned in to my parents. You, cheating, flirting, lying and me, turning the other cheek, hoping and praying for a change that will never come. So that's "whats wrong" with me. trying to figure out how to lessen the blow to our sweet baby girl, who didn't deserve this. Who deserved a faithful daddy. That's my problem.

justinpaintoday posted 3/26/2014 11:49 AM

Damn Foolme ....can you write my texts to my WW? Way to go. You are young and I am sure a GOOD woman. Proud of you for standing up for yourself!!! You make that baby girl proud and she don't even know it. Someday she'll know a smart woman doesn't take that abuse. Victory today is yours...

Foolme1 posted 3/26/2014 12:38 PM

Thank you Justin. He still have not responded. I';m sure he will respond with something along the lines of "Talking to you is like talking to a child". That's his go to insult, always calling me a child, that I fight like a child, argue like a child, talk like a child, or don't talk at all, which is what child will do. I don't even care anymore.

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