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Newest Member: Mercedes66 (46046)

User Topic: So Gwinnie and Coldplay Chris have had a conscious uncoupling!
MrsDoubtfire
♀ 24786
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

According to her Goop website Gwinnie stated they'd had a conscious uncoupling!

You mean a separation right?!?!

What a strange way to announce the end of your M.

I'm saying nothing about those cheating rumours.
All I will say is I saw it coming afterwards based on the changes in both of their behaviours.


BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now becomeÜ

Posts: 1593 | Registered: Jul 2009
Tred
♂ 34086
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess that's better than an unconscious coupling...


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4137 | Registered: Dec 2011
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

From what I know (grapevine--a friend of an old co-worker supposedly had a fling with her years ago) the cheating isn't really a rumor.

I sometimes really think that couples like these, who have careers that take them far and wide, having a regular monogamous relationship must be basically impossible, like it's more of a business relationship.

But who knows.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4235 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
lieshurt
♀ 14003
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess that's better than an unconscious coupling...



A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere.

Posts: 13881 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Neverwudaguessed
♀ 41884
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sill, sad because they have two young childrenÖ. They were SO completely different; I saw the attraction to each other, but was surprised they made the commitment of marriage ultimately because I just didn't see the connection. Then again, who am I to talk????


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 808 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
JanaGreen
♀ 29341
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

God that woman is annoying.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6972 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
ajsmom
♀ 17460
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My guess is he finally saw her acting and singing (*cough,cough*) in "Duets" with Huey Lewis and decided to make a break for it.


AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21119 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
BtraydWife
♀ 42581
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

conscious uncoupling

weird


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 2615 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
blakesteele
♂ 38044
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Annoyed at this choice. Adds to society's "light" view of M and commitment to vows. I don't know any backstory.....but the term is very "user friendly".....seems almost.....healthy. It's no ones fault. Annoyed at the apparent lack of personal accountability. Stems from my parents D......to date both blame the other. This, no fault. No fault indicates no harm. Bull shit.

I see where a "temporary marriage license" are being crafted....2 year duration.

An extension of the "no fault divorce" mentality.

Sad.

Dysfunctional M's started with Adam and Eve....Eve invited sin into their M, Adam chose it them blamed Eve for it.....and that was the start.

Dysfunctional is not abusive.....two very different relationships. All M's have some dysfunctional component to them, but not all are abusive. I am only upset with D as a choice with a dysfunctional M. There are no fully functional relationships.....by our own sinful nature this is not a realistic expectation.

My parents generation to dysfunctional M's was not to fix them, it was to throw them away. ( baby boomers). Their parents generation to dysfunctional M's were to stick them out without working on them.

A disposable society was born. Problem is, some of those crumbs that are on the disposable fabric that is M and family are....children. (An individual that D 's also is damaged)

I am very aware of the damage these actions have had in me, have had on my wife, have had on my M.

I am not proposing to settle into an abusive relationship (an argument for no fault divorce law and societies justification for D). I simply suggest once you make the commitment to M you recognize it is a serious responsibility.....made more serious with the creation of children in that family.

Another argument made to choose to end M is that "kids are resilient". This is not helpful nor constructive. While kids can change and grow faster than adults, they can't do this if they have no teacher, no mentor. In both my wife and i's childhood we had no such leadership. We were left to our own accord. As a result we unconsciously denied our pain, hurts and feelings. Though neither of us were physically abused and had most all of our physical needs met, We missed critical emotional and spiritual developmental steps. Insread, we developed FOO coping mechs that protected us but came at a high cost...:they limited our intimacy and bonding skills and abilities. We needed to do this to survive.....and that is what our M did for years.....survived. We now are aware of this and desire to have a M that thrives.

IF my wife was continuing to choose adultery....or chooses it again. Our M will end. That is abusive behavior and threatens the family. M can survive in this setting, but it will not thrive.

Bit of a sermon.....just so tired of stories like this that nudge our society further and further into "disposable" mode.

.....I am tempted too. I have sought advice in D too. I am doing everything in my power to fix whhat I can in my M. I am aware a healthy M requires two fully committed people.

What I am also aware of is that neither my wife nor I were fully open to each other. We had extremely good masking skills .....but were not nearly as self-aware as we could have been.

"

The greatest problem in my M that I can solve is.....me."

Read that in a book, talked about it in therapy. Once I understood and owned that, constructive change can occur within a M. It HAS to change. I am 50% of the inputs. Doesn't mean it will thrive. D could still be an option. But if you choose D before you own that....you may very well recreate a destructive cycle again.

God help us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 11:19 AM, March 26th (Wednesday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.

Posts: 4130 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is so pretentious, I can not stomach her. Of course she would have a conscious uncoupling!

eta:

unconscious coupling...
I suppose that is what all our wayward's wanted us to believe of their affairs.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 11:14 AM, March 26th (Wednesday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 10099 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
itainteasy
♀ 31094
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Goopy.

There have been cheating stories surround them for a long time.

She even said that she's a "romantic" but a "realist" and that "life is long". And some people she "really looks up to" have had extra marital affairs.

Gag me.

I'm happy for the Coldplay guy. Goopy seems like such a cold fish. I can't imagine being married to that. She's SO MUCH BETTER THAN EVERY ONE ELSE.

I wish Vanity Fair would have printed the story they wrote about her.


Posts: 3432 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
BtraydWife
♀ 42581
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Alright I'll bite. What story?

Was it about her Florida hook up?


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 2615 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
GreatRoleModel
♀ 36809
Member # 36809
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To me it is just word play to make them feel better about their choice just like the word/concept of co parenting. It makes the adults feel better but in actuality it still hurts the kids no matter the words assigned to the decision to tear a family apart...just my two cents.


BS (me)
XWS (him) NPD
DIVORCED!!!
It takes a village to deal with the village idiot!
ďIf we couldn't laugh we would all go insane.Ē
― Robert Frost

Posts: 403 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: NC
Stronger4it
♀ 39372
Member # 39372
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This from Goop:

Conscious Uncoupling

To change the concept of divorce, we need to release the belief structures we have around marriage that create rigidity in our thought process. The belief structure is the all-or-nothing idea that when we marry, itís for life. The truth is, the only thing any of us have is today. Beyond that, there are no guarantees. The idea of being married to one person for life is too much pressure for anyone. In fact, it would be interesting to see how much easier couples might commit to each other by thinking of their relationship in terms of daily renewal instead of a lifetime investment. This is probably the reason why so many people say their long-term relationships changed overnight, once they got married. The people didnít change, but the expectation did.

If we can recognize that our partners in our intimate relationships are our teachers, helping us evolve our internal, spiritual support structure, we can avoid the drama of divorce and experience what we call a conscious uncoupling. A conscious uncoupling is the ability to understand that every irritation and argument was a signal to look inside ourselves and identify a negative internal object that needed healing. Because present events always trigger pain from a past event, itís never the current situation that needs the real fixing. Itís just the echo of an older emotional injury. If we can remain conscious of this during our uncoupling, we will understand itís how we relate to ourselves internally as we go through an experience thatís the real issue, not whatís actually happening.


Me BS 46
Him WS 48
Together 18 yrs
Daughter 9
DD Nov 13/12
Today ?

Posts: 64 | Registered: May 2013
Stronger4it
♀ 39372
Member # 39372
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personally, I'd rather he consciously uncoupled with with me than, consciously make choices that would break my heart.


Me BS 46
Him WS 48
Together 18 yrs
Daughter 9
DD Nov 13/12
Today ?

Posts: 64 | Registered: May 2013
BtraydWife
♀ 42581
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well if that's what it means then I guess their vows didn't say until death. Mine did and I had every intention of staying married to one person my whole life. It was not unrealistic for me and I never felt overwhelming pressure regarding it.

Sounds like minimizing and justifying Hollywood whackos if you ask me. Oh when we said forever we didn't mean for real forever! Makes me wonder if he agrees or doesn't and just went along with it to get her the f out of his life.

I was watching Yes to the Dress the other day and was offended when the mother of a bride to be wanted her to have a certain dress "for her first wedding".


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 2615 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
JanaGreen
♀ 29341
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's insufferable. I'd love to read the vanity fair story.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6972 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
MrsDoubtfire
♀ 24786
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 1:28 AM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My guess is he finally saw her acting and singing (*cough,cough*) in "Duets" with Huey Lewis and decided to make a break for it.

I was watching Yes to the Dress the other day and was offended when the mother of a bride to be wanted her to have a certain dress "for her first wedding".

First wedding? Good grief! I drummed into my DD that she needs to be so careful with her choice as she needs to look on M as a lifelong commitment. If she looks at it as something that CAN end then the M won't last simply because her mindset will be skewed to accept she has a get out before she even gets M!

I pray she chooses wisely and that her potential H has strong morals.


BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now becomeÜ

Posts: 1593 | Registered: Jul 2009
Undefinabl3
♀ 36883
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But what if it really is a totally agreed upon split, nobody is angry and rather then allow every media person claim the divorce was anything but harmoneous, they are trying to choose their words carefully??

They know that they are no longer a couple, they care conscious of that.....either way - who cares what these people do with their own lives.

as a T/J

Dysfunctional M's started with Adam and Eve....Eve invited sin into their M, Adam chose it them blamed Eve for it.....and that was the start.

And no - Eve didn't invite anything in. The snake gave Eve a choice, just like Eve gave Adam. Both of them could have said no at anytime.

But because Eve said yes first, well, its all down hill from there for us ladies.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit
Phone Find 11/21/14 - I can't even right now.

Posts: 1833 | Registered: Sep 2012
tushnurse
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry, but WTF, really why the hell are you so much better than everyone else that you can't call it what it is.

It sickens me that she thinks that calling her Separation anything other than what it really is fools anyone. I used to really like her, but I get the strong feeling that she had me snowed along with all the other fans out there.

Supposedly has had more than one fling. The only good thing I can see coming out of this some more awesome music by Chris. I hope he finds angry quickly. It's been a while since there has been a really good revenge song.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8899 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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