A good thing about my awful relationship and breakup is that now I'm finally ready to date mindfully (after the recovery/healing process winds down), and to be alone mindfully as well. Before the recently ended relationship, I dated frenetically and compulsively, and looking back, it wasn't healthy. I don't want that again. I want to be more careful, to only date when I'm ready, to look before I leap, working on my picker and on me and holding out for the right situation.
Reading baggage reclaim has been pretty useful in thinking about some of my old patterns and envisioning what I want in the future. I've read the posts on dating hiatuses there and they really appeal to me right now, 2.5 months after everything ended and not yet healed.
But the baggage reclaim version is also supposed to be a sex hiatus, a seeing exes hiatus, really cold turkey across the board. Part of that (to me) comes from the perspective that women just can't separate emotion and sex. I definitely can't as much as I think I can, but in some circumstances it's not an issue. For instance I saw an ex the other month, and it was nice! I don't have regrets. In fact I'm happy that now the last person I've had sex with isn't someone who caused me so much hurt. Tonight I'm seeing another ex just to catch up over dinner platonically (I've explained I can't get involved right now). Or there's a friend of a friend, who lives out of town, who I have been meaning to continue an email thread with; we met at the tail end of the break-up and got along well.
To me, these are things I don't need for validation, but that I appreciate having nonetheless. But I feel like all of them break the strict dating hiatus rules too, even though I'm not trying to replace the relationship or run from the pain (well, no more than I am when I do anything social--distractions and social obligations/formalities have their place).
I am assuming the dating hiatus is pretty much like advice from SI, IC, etc: take whatever works for you and leave the rest. For me, that would mean that if something comes up organically, something with no red flags, I can take advantage of it (whether a short fling, or just a friendly chat). But just wondering if others have thoughts on taking the hiatus in a more flexible way.