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Newest Member: ChrissyMc (61787)

User Topic: Long distance relationship
♀ 18437
Member # 18437
Default  Posted: 12:17 AM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I met a wonderful man a few months ago and we are very much in love. We share common interests, values and just have a great time together. Only problem is that he lives far away from me. We just spent a wonderful 5 days together, had lots of fun. We spent lots of time talking about our feelings and even talked about wanting a future together. I've been having a bit of a hard time since he left on Monday. I cried at the airport and have just been missing him a lot. There has been a lot of contact since, but it's just so hard. This is my first experience with a ldr. Anyone have any experience? Any advice?

Me - BS 42
Kids 12 and 9

Posts: 1846 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: NY
♂ 42777
Member # 42777
Default  Posted: 12:28 AM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Go slow. You are in a divorce still right?

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2014
♀ 18437
Member # 18437
Default  Posted: 12:30 AM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't updated my profile, I'm divorced now.

Me - BS 42
Kids 12 and 9

Posts: 1846 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: NY
♀ 38735
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 12:46 AM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I was in a LDR initially with the Gnat and we all know how that turned out.

Anyway, we were LDR for about two years before getting engaged. At that time, I moved to his state to be with him. I was in MN and he was in FL so it was truly a LDR. At the time, I had a job where I traveled frequently though. So, I had a ton of airline miles and would fly down a lot for the weekend.

How long of a distance is this? Is there any possibility of it not being a LDR in the future? I think that's the difficult part is that I'm not sure how sustainable they are if there are no plans to live in the area at some point.

BW - Me (40)
XWH -The Gnat
"Engaged" to OW, but the wedding appears to be indefinitely postponed.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (8), 1 DS (3)
Dday 3/13
Happily Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 1269 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: AZ
♀ 19258
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think LDRs are fine. They do seem to have an expiration date. If one of you isn't willing to relocate, I would cut it off now. That is just me. In very few cases is an LDR sustainable in the very long run.

My SO and I were in a LDR to start out with. Within about 6 months we began discussing how we could move forward into a permanent relationship. I'm not saying we had decided to get married and be together forever at that point but we both felt like the relationship was heading that way. Both of us had options and flexibility to relocate. We figured things out.

I could not have gone on indefinitely but with my work schedule LDR was actually quite nice for me.

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler

Posts: 9596 | Registered: Apr 2008
♀ 24518
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been in an LDR for 4 years. We're trying to figure out how to end the long distance part, but life keeps getting in the way. (I have an elderly infirm mother here, plus my young adult kids still live with me. SO is looking for a new job, plus his property settlement is under appeal from his divorce). I won't say we're happy with not being together, but we are both very happy with the relationship we have together.

That all being said, what worked well for us was when we had as regular a schedule for visits as we could. SO traveled for work weekly so that made it a lot easier for him to come here for weekends. His plane tickets were already expensed, it didn't matter if he went home or came here for the weekend. What we aimed for was visits every 2-3 weeks, depending on other schedules. In between visits, we chat nightly as well as text, email and phone each other when we want/need.

I won't say it's been hard work for me, but it takes a lot of effort to have an LDR. Communication is even more important since there's not as much face-to-face conversations.

Sorry, I got nothing that'll help with the missing your SO part. I think it just goes with the territory.

There is no joy without gratitude. - Brené Brown

Posts: 13042 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartof, Texas
♀ 14003
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I met a wonderful man a few months ago and we are very much in love.

How many months has it been?

A wise woman once said "fuck this shit" and she lived happily ever after.

If someone keeps stabbing you in the back, then quit handing them the knife.

Posts: 17635 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
♀ 18437
Member # 18437
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is in Lousiana and I am in NY. We have known each other for 4 months. We talk many times a day and are very open with our communication. There is no plans as of yet how to make it more permanent, it is a little early in the relationship. We both agree its something we want to work on.

I want to see where this could lead. I will never know unless I try. I may end up getting hurt but there's always a chance for that in relationships of any kind.

Inconnu, thank you. I am looking for stories of how people make it work. This is all brand new to me and I want to give it my best shot. It's encouraging to know that it can work!

Me - BS 42
Kids 12 and 9

Posts: 1846 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: NY
♀ 36883
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also did a LDR with my first husband, and I don't think that that had any influence on our divorce or anything like that.

It can be done, you just have to be willing to accept the current situation. I literally drove through 2 whole states every single weekend for a little over a year. He was in the military so he couldn't go more then like 2 hours from base. I would leave right after my Thursday class, and then I would be back to the dorm late on Sunday. And honestly, at the time, it was totally worth it.

The biggest thing that kept us going as a LDR was the fact that we were actively working towards the goal of him moving to be where I was so I could finish my degree. I think the biggest thing is to have a goal, something to move towards rather then just say 'hey we are boyfriend and girlfriend'....small ones like your next week/weekend together, and then larger ones like next year's vacation (hey, its worth at least planning and not paying yet).

This was also the time when those silly online cards were a big hit - so we would send each other silly/romantic/thinking of you email cards all the time rather then just text and call all the time.

just keep planning, open communication, ect...

Me: 32 MH
Him: 39 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit
Phone Find 11/21/14 - I can't even right now.
1/26/15 - Started IC for me, DH won't go.

Posts: 2393 | Registered: Sep 2012
♀ 10552
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I too am in an LDR, have been for almost a year. I agree completely with hexed - they are workable but do have an expiration date, whatever that is with you and your SO.

I'm going to be relocating soon and will be in the same town as my SO (we're currently in different states, 650 miles apart). I have a good job offer in that area, and the bunch and I already want to relocate for assorted reasons. He's a factor in the equation, sure, but by far not the main reason I'm doing this. He even told me to not move just for him but to do it if it's best for me and the bunch in the long run. And I really appreciated that. Seeing as we're both divorced, we know things can go south when you least expect it and I especially had to think if I'd want to live there if he and I did break up for some reason.

That being said, I honestly don't know how long we'd go without one of us moving. I'm sure it would be a few years but I don't think either of us would have been good with being in an LDR for years and years and years.

Communication and planning are definitely key in an LDR. And yes, missing them is just part of the territory.

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 16072 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Topic Posts: 10

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