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Giddy posted 3/27/2014 13:52 PM

Just wondering if anyone can give me some insight into why my WH is. making it so hard for me to try and settle our house finances etc - When I finally get him to respond and dosnt ignore me - he seems ok and then I he will just ignore me AGAIN !! I think I'm getting somewhere then he has the hide to do this . I am trying to be amicable as the lawyers are going to be so expensive - I even offered him 50/50 although I've been left with all debts and bills , since D day .
He is still living with OM he is now working - as he was in own business he eventually wore down also . but dosnt earn a lot - As ther is a big debt - it would be better if we could come to an agreement . I offered to keep house longer and rent out and he seemed to like that idea - then I opted against that - as I will need legal settlement - as Noe I will be getting redundant from wrk and getting paid a fair summ - he dosnt know about this . Hence to why I'm trying so hard to get this over and move town .
I have now filed with lawyers as I cannot keep waiting and fighting with him - I have had documents sent to his work place - which he will be angry about but the only postal address I have is her PO box and will not send it to her box for privacy reasons . Just don't know why he seems ok one minute then ignores me and I get so angry . It's been 8 months since he was caught out and moved straight in with her !!! I don't understand what his go is .
D/D 31/7/13
WH - 53
BS - 51(me
M -30 yrs
Kids - 3 - m- 30 - 2f - 27 & 28
Grand babies - 11m - 8 m
Ow - 56 - marries 3 times - 5 kids - different fathers - 10 - grandchildren

suckstobeme posted 3/27/2014 15:29 PM

I unfortunately can't give the answer because I'm not a WW and I didn't walk in those shoes. However, I can tell you my thoughts on the matter based on my own experience with my exwh.

My exwh moved out in the fall of 2011 under the guise of the ILYBINILWY theory. I suspected and asked him 1,000 times if there was someone else - he always denied and I wasn't able to confirm the A until a few months later. Before then, when he was out of the house and I still didn't know who was waiting in the wings for him, he said he didn't want to file for D. He said he didn't want things to be that permanent. Now, mind you, we are both lawyers and either one of us could have filed the papers without a problem. I even offered to do it and to keep it just between us. He said no. He kept me hanging even though he was spending all of his time with the slunt and planning a big exotic vacation with her.

When I figured it all out and told him he was dead to me, he still never made a move toward D. At that point, I made the decision to hire a lawyer to represent me and filed in early March after all the financials were collected from my end. He chose to represent himself.

He was his own attorney and he continued to drag it out. He wouldn't respond to my attorney's proposals. He would come to court late - once to the point of being reprimanded by the judge - he would lie and say he responded to my lawyer's email messages when it was clear he never did. It was ludicrous. If he wanted out so badly he could have gotten this done and over with lickity split. We never even really fought over anything - it was just his laziness or, what I believe was his extraordinary inability to really want to see what was happening.

I think in these cases, the WS is like a lost puppy. While they are diddling around with these OW and living a fantasy life, they have no idea of the serious consequences that are coming. Once they are hit with the reality that they just blew up their entire world and that of their spouse and children, they shut down.

I can tell you that my exwh is about the most conflict avoidant person you will ever meet. Nowhere was that more evident in the way that he chose to end our marriage. He ran away without ever talking to me. I got one conversation when he was able to muster up "not in love with you" phrase, but that was all false foggy bullshit anyway. He never told me about her, he never told me he was in love with her, he never said a word about her. He just shut his eyes and hid under the bed to avoid the boogey man, just like a kid. So, it stands to reason that people like this don't possess the ability to stand up and face the bad or ugly parts of life. They will muddle through it like they do with everything else.

norabird posted 3/27/2014 15:39 PM

I think people who lack integrity and cheat do it because they can't face anything in life head on; they are extremely avoidant. And being forced to deal with real life makes them angry since they lack the tools to handle it. It's really like dealing with a child.

Giddy posted 3/28/2014 15:54 PM

Thank you Guys All so true !!! Suckstobone - Mine did exactly the same when caught left that day wouldn't tell me anything except he feel outa love !!! After 32 yrs And had been still buying flowers etc - Mother's Day - birthday etc - beautiful cards - just all so fake and you think you know someone . Dosnt see his kids - grand kids that were new additions when this all went down - discusting - I'm over trying to get him to see reason !

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