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Newest Member: Remember (46025)

User Topic: The power of Quitting
GotPlayed
♂ 41294
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This may belong on New Beginnings, but I wanted it on General so we all think about it, even as we are trying to find ways to cope and move forward through this.

Once you quit whatever effort has been draining you, you are free to channel your energy and talent into something else you're passionate about. It doesn’t mean the road will be easy—there are obstacles en route to any achievement. But if the obstacles are surmountable, you’ll persist in a healthy way and that leads to greater success.

This doesn’t mean that it's easy to quit or give up on a long-term plan for your life, but it's easier when you're not walking away simply to assume a life loafing on the couch (or pining away over an unrepentant WS - added by GotPlayed).

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/imperfect-spirituality/201403/why-sometimes-we-should-just-walk-away

Whether we are choosing R, in limbo, S or D, we need to think about the fact that a large portion of our long term life plan has changed, and that long-term plan we already quit (someone very wise told me - she fired you from that job when she slept with OM).

This can only mean we need to reevaluate. For ourselves. Even if we are choosing recovery.

I like this portion, for starting over, and even during a 180, which is all about our own health, values, goals and skills.

1. Identify the aspects of the initial goal that excited or inspired you. What was it that goal that got you moving in the first place?
2. Consider other goals or activities that also require some of those skills and qualities.
3. Develop a new goal, one that aligns with your values, desires, and passions. Your effort should be directed toward something that adds meaning to your life.
4. Quit the first goal. Disengage. Write about the end in your journal. Or write the reasons you are giving up on on a sheet of paper and burn it in a fire as a symbolic way of letting go. Mourn the end. Identify too, the positive outcomes, the things you learned along the way. Celebrate those things, because what you learned will carry over into your next pursuit. This was not wasted time.
5. Write down your new goal and get going. Today, develop a plan for achieving your new goal and take the first step toward it.

I like it because it turns it back on us. Removes us from victimhood and towards health. Remember, they are the broken ones, not us.

We can choose to make the best of this. Rechannel our energies. There's a lot of good in us. We just have our values, skills and goals misaligned.

How can you live your values today?


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
Me: BH 42, Her: WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Ex-con for DV. Now with new ROs!
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
Merlin
♂ 30221
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My Dad had a simpler saying -

"Winners never quit is a stupid saying.

Winners stop doing stupid things all the time so they can take up important things."

Yep, Dad's a sharp guy.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
Wodnships
42750
Member # 42750
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This reminds me of a leadership seminar I once went to. The "headlining" speaker was Colin Powell. The premise of his speech was that real leadership is about knowing when to cut ties. Not just with a person, but with an idea. It was probably the only thing I took out of that seminar that really made me think.

[This message edited by Wodnships at 5:09 PM, March 27th (Thursday)]


me: BH 35
Her: WW 28

Married 4 years. Dating 8. Living together 7.

If a man took his time on earth
to prove be for he died
what on man's life could be worth
I wonder what would happen to the world

- Harry Chapin


Posts: 577 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: California
5454real
♂ 37455
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so Kenny Rogers was right.

I always thought so. you really do have to know when to fold em.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 21(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3301 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Lyonesse
♀ 32943
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even Alexander the Great was given this advice, when he was contemplating conquering India. Coenus told him, "If there is one thing above all that a successful man should
know, it is when to STOP."


Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1808 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
Topic Posts: 5

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