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Am I just too old?

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Smashedat58 posted 3/27/2014 17:28 PM

Am I just fooling myself thinking that there will be someone for me in my future? I am 58, and will never trust a former WH. I am young for my years, but wise for them also. I can't remember what it is like to be truly loved by a man. Mine only appreciated what I could do for him.

inconnu posted 3/27/2014 17:38 PM

Where I work, there's a client who just remarried. I'm not sure of her exact age, but I suspect she's in her mid to late 70s.

So no, you're not too old, and it's not too late.

phmh posted 3/27/2014 17:47 PM

In my running group, I have lots of friends and acquaintances who found love in their 50s, 60s, and 70s. My grandfather found a new lady friend after my grandmother died -- and they were in their 80s!

Definitely not too old!

risingfromashes posted 3/27/2014 18:04 PM

I am 54 and I do not think I am too old. I always have hope. But I am so much better off without the ex that it is worth being alone if that is my future

MadeOfScars posted 3/27/2014 18:44 PM

My grandmother on my Mom's side got remarried about 7 years after my grandfather died. She was exactly your age when she remarried, and he was (I think) 63 or 64. They had a good 20 years of wonderful marriage until he passed of cancer.

I have a co-worker and good friend who recently got back into dating in his mid-50s after a very brutal divorce. He was the BS there. I've been around him and his new girlfriend (also 50s) and they seem like teenagers around each other.

You are absolutely not too old!

SoHappyNow posted 3/27/2014 19:28 PM

I just got remarried at age 65.

Smashedat58 posted 3/27/2014 19:34 PM

Thanks for your input, everyone. I just hope whatever I get has some really satisfying sex attached to it. STBXH was the pits, had to cut him off because of his obesity, and ED.

CheshCat posted 3/27/2014 20:52 PM

You know.... I'm "only" in my 30s... But I've found, that if I want to have selection... I have to actively seek out groups of other people.

My friends & acquaintances are mostly married, young family... Or 20 something's I wouldn't touch with a 10' pole.

People in my personal range 40+ have lives.
They aren't all flocking together to soothe hormones and look for people to date.

So the only place one FINDS people are
- activities
- singles type places (be it OLD, or church events).
Meaning it takes active work on my part to even be exposed to single men in my age range, and even then, the selection is hit or miss.

I rather suspect a huuuuuuge reason there are so many marriages in people's 70s / retirement communities is purely because of the selection!!! One actually has a chance to be around a couple hundred people on a regular basis, and get to know them, and find 2-3 you don't hate. Not that they weren't looking 10 years earlier... But just because we enjoy XYZ activity,... It doesn't follow that the person we could fall in love with also enjoys XYZ. You know? So until our cohort group comes together, it's seriously luck of the draw.

DO think about activities you enjoy that might provide a nice cross selection (I feel like I'm talking about laboratory specimens, oy). But you know what I mean. If you enjoy 5 solitary activities, and 1 large group activity... Focus more time on the large group activity... or see if there are groups of people getting together to do the solitary activity. Better a cruise ship than pottery, and better a pottery studio with others than in your back she'd. Ditto, look to see how you can change your exposure. If you volunteer, better in a hospital full of people, than in a records room full of dust.

It still all boils down to luck.

I can be swamped with people for months and months, and not meet anyone remotely interesting, and then a week rolls around where I meet 3 in a row. Isn't it just the way?

But being around others increases our odds of meeting the right other. Still might not happen, or might happen totally out of left field. But no one meets anyone, keeping to yourself. So next time you want to read the paper, take it to the park. Probably won't meet anyone. But you know you won't meet anyone in your living room. At least, we hope you don't go for the bad boy home invader type Stick to jewel thieves. Burglerers have no ambition.


[This message edited by CheshCat at 8:54 PM, March 27th (Thursday)]

Sad in AZ posted 3/28/2014 00:16 AM

A friend's mom recently lost her boyfriend--they are/were both in their 90s and had been together for 20 years.

There is no such thing as 'too old'

newlysingle posted 3/28/2014 00:25 AM

My mom is 72 and has a lot of friends that live in retirement communities, not the assisted living types, the ones where they golf, etc. When she goes to visit her friends, she is a hot commodity. The men are all over her, lol.

She's been single for years (divorced my dad in my teens due to his alcoholism) and has no interest in dating again. However, if she changes her mind, there are a lot of older men looking for dates.

luv2swim posted 3/28/2014 03:09 AM

My great Aunt was married 4 times. The first was a divorce, the next two were due to the death of her husband(s). I was there for marriage no. 4 a few years ago. She was late 80's, her 4th husband 90ish.

When I got divorced she noted that I was "young". And that it was best to marry for love. It was how she moved along in her life.

Age, apparently, has little to do with it.

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