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Newest Member: mojorisin (61886)

User Topic: I really cant continue to live like this...
Member # 42768
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

but i cant afford to leave until the house sells....

just got home and WS was here with a barage of insults. called me a fat whale, slut, the c word, a b!tch. he's never called me names until now. he says its my fault he cheated because i'm fat and never paid attention to him. i'm not even fat, but apparently im just not anorexic enough. he knows i have been struggling since finding out. i havent been able to eat or sleep. i have had eating disorders in the past and they always seem to be triggered by emotional distress. the fat comment is now making it even more difficult to eat. he keeps trying to rehash our whole relationship and tell me he cheated because of me and I caused this whole divorce. i keep telling him i dont want to even talk about it because there is no point in continuing to discuss the past, our marriage is over, i filed for divorce and he said he wanted it too. So what the hell? WHY DOES HE FEEL THE NEED TO ARGUE ABOUT THE PROBLEMS FROM OUR MARRIAGE WHEN IT WILL BE OVER IN 90 DAYS?! i stay in my room so i can avoid him but he just keeps coming in here and trying to engage in these conversations. The other statement he makes over and over is that he loves me and he doesn't want to get divorced but he doesnt see any other way. hot and cold, hot and cold. HOW DO I GET AWAY FROM HIS CONSTANTLY WANTING TO DISCUSS THESE THINGS!?!? I have to live with him until the house sells. I feel so good when I am not around him but everday I have to come home to this!!! I dont know what to do or how to deal with it....HELP!?!? PLEASE!

Posts: 43 | Registered: Mar 2014
♀ 36072
Member # 36072
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you have any friends or family you can stay with?

He is verbally and emotionally abusing you. If you live in the States, you can call The National Domestic Violence Hotline. The number is 1-800-799-7233. Although he is not physically abusing you, he is still abusive. They might have suggestions on resources to help you in your area.

(((justlikethat))) Please stay safe!

Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12

Trust is like paper. Once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.

Posts: 1470 | Registered: Jul 2012
♀ 10468
Member # 10468
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, first of all, He Is An ASS!
The truth seems to be that he hates himself for losing you. His pride and ego are too grossly inflated to allow him to show remorse so he turns it around to be your fault.

Don't you take that fat comment to heart. Do Not! If you have an IC use her because with a prior eating disorder you could easily fall back down that hole.

I am so angry on your behalf because he is abusing you. Can you find a friend to stay with until the divorce is final? The name calling and blaming are abuse, plain and simple. You don't deserve that.

I'm sorry you are going through this

Ddays 2004 & 2007
I cut my losses mid 2013
Feeling happier every day :)

Posts: 6747 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Florida
♀ 41181
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you have to find a shelter!! He is being an abusing bully!

ETA: Get a VAR and record him being abusive and calling you names. Make sure it's small and not in plain sight. Don't tell him you are recording!! Call the cops! You can play the VAR for them if you need to. Again, don't let him know about it. DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT! Get a little pocket calendar and write down when he is being an abusive bully, write down the exact words he uses. No euphemisms, no *$& stuff ... write the actual words. Note his physical stance, standing/sitting/leaning and his distance from you. 1 stride, 2 strides .. and build a case against him.

[This message edited by BAB61 at 9:58 PM, March 27th (Thursday)]

Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
♀ 41761
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I could just jump through the computer and give you a hug! We could drink some wine and just hang out!

Honey, don't you listen to him for one second! He is angry at himself and he is taking it out on you. He sounds like a miserable F*CK if I do say so myself!!

He is abusing you, and you don't have to take it. If I was you I'd go make a big ol' hoagie and eat it right in front of him...the nerve. pfft...pisses me the hell off!

Do you have a friend you can stay with for the night? Or better yet, does HE have somewhere else he can go live until the D is final? You don't deserve to be treated this way. So sorry you are hurting tonight.

Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 33
WBF: 30
Together 10 years
1 doggie, 1 Cat
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...Working at it every day.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
♂ 42890
Member # 42890
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


If you cannot leave and his actions are causing you real harm (which your post is clear it is)you can call the police - he abusing you. While it is not illegal because it is not physical, you can say you are scared he MAY (make sure you say, may) harm you and you want help. The police will show up because you called. They are trained to deal with this sort of thing and will put the fear of God in him at the very least.

That, or you can leave and stay with family/friends (this is the best option if you can).

34 - BS - Divorced

Posts: 872 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Southern California
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He loves you and doesn't want a divorce....but he calls you a fat whale, slut, the c word, and a bitch......and says that he cheated BECAUSE you were fat.
Based on your eating-disordered-history, his behavior is beyond abusive and cruel.

i stay in my room so i can avoid him but he just keeps coming in here

Install a hook-lock on the inside of the door. Latch it.....and then he can't come in there anymore. Keep your phone at hand and if he busts through it call the cops on him.

Have you considered filing for divorce and asking for temporary orders that give you exclusive use of the home?

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 9188 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're right. No one should have to live like this. He is realizing that his one chance at being happy is lost because he fucked it up and so he's trying to pretend like he doesn't need you because to see the truth would be to feel crushing pain. And of course truth and pain does not sit well with these a users.

There must be a friend you can stay with or have come stay with you, or a way to get him out of the houses take the advice on shelters, police and the VAR to heart and do whatever you need to in order to protect yourself from being near his toxicity.mi also have a past with EDs and it is beyond cruel and sick that he is going straight for your weak spot.

Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4324 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Member # 42768
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't really call the police. He is a cop and they are all his buddies :/

Posts: 43 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 1:35 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't really call the police. He is a cop and they are all his buddies :/

I don't know much about the police force but can you call his superior? I feel for you, this sounds like a lifetime channel movie, buts its real life. He can't get away with this. I'm sure there are members on SI that are police officers or in marriages or relationships with police officers. Hopefully one will see this and give you advice. Scary that this stuff really happens. He is being abusive. Seriously though, you should call his superior and safe.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5738 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
♀ 39476
Member # 39476
Default  Posted: 5:08 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't really call the police. He is a cop and they are all his buddies :/

((justlikethat)) Mine is on the job too. As a spouse I know how you feel. Also as a person with an eating disorder I can relate.

First, contact your ED counselor, group or doctor. We know that stress can and will make us turn to our "friend ". If you are having a hard time doing that, feel free to PM me.

Next, speak with your attorney about the verbal abuse. Also, have you made your attorney aware of your emotional/medical concern? Making them aware may help in removing him from the house without involving his CO. The matter would then remain part of the divorce/separation action.

These are just suggestions to keep you empowered. The most important and vital thing is to get your mental self some assistance. Once you do that, then you are better equipped to make decisions about the other issues.

ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 24 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive

Posts: 508 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
♀ 42110
Member # 42110
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I assume that since you are both still in the house that you really have few options on different places to stay until the house sells and the divorce is finalized. Aside from the good advice that others have already written, the only thing I might suggest is staying away from the house as much as possible and really only coming home to sleep or when you know that he is likely not to be there. Minimize your contact with him and his opportunities to insult you. Finally, no matter what he says, it is not a reflection of who you are, it is a reflection of what and where he is. So do not internalize the insults but recognize them as his issues, not yours.

Sending you lots of strength until you are free of this.

Me -BW
Him - WH
Dday 7/11/2013
DS - 12 and DD - 16

Posts: 334 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast
♀ 38121
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is a cop and they are all his buddies

Oh great - yet another bully with a gun.

Smart, SMART move to divorce him. Too bad you're stuck with him for 90 more days. I'd need to be medicated for that feat.

Go to your lawyer and find out if there's anything legal you can do that even he and his crooked cop 'buddies' can't overstep without serious consequences.


[This message edited by NeverAgain2013 at 8:42 AM, March 28th (Friday)]

Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 6327 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 13

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