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scream posted 3/28/2014 05:24 AM

I had an LTA. I lied, treated my wife like shit for years by not being involved. Now my son, who is to young to truely understand has been listening to our talks and is scared and confused. I know what I need to do for him to help him know that we love him. And no matter what we are still his mom and dad. But fuck me, I had an affair and now I have hurt my child.

That selfishness is now affecting my children. I let it happen. I let my sickness affect my children. They don't deserve a father who puts himself ahead of them. And did it for so long. I thought I was such a good dad. Fuck me.

BrokenButTrying posted 3/28/2014 05:32 AM

How old is your son, scream?

I think it would be a good idea if you and your BW made a conscious effort not to have difficult conversations when your son is around. Try to table them for when he is in bed.

Depending on his age, you could have a talk with him and explain that daddy did something bad that has upset mummy. Reassure him that you both love him, mummy and daddy might seem angry sometimes but it's not his fault etc.

Your actions mean that you haven't been the best parent in the world but it's how you handle the situation from here on out that will determine your success as a dad.

BaxtersBFF posted 3/29/2014 14:14 PM

I agree with BBT about not having these conversations in front of your son.

I also agree with having a talk with him.

In our case, we haven't really hidden anything from our kids. they see us/me on SI and I'm sure they've read the words "surviving infidelity" at the top of the page, but we've never told the kids about my A either. They do know that we had some big problems, and we explained to them that our marriage takes a lot more work that it might seem. Taking it a step further, we've talked with them about how important it is to communicate and also to face issues head on rather than letting them fester.

Being a good dad is being an honest dad; showing them how to take responsibility; showing them how to be a safe person; showing them that even when you make a mistake, you can own up to that, learn from it, and do what it takes to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Don't let your own feelings for guilt and regret get in the way of being there for your kids.

BaxtersBFF posted 3/29/2014 14:14 PM


[This message edited by BaxtersBFF at 2:49 PM, March 29th (Saturday)]

scream posted 3/30/2014 15:10 PM

Just another scar on my face that I see when I look in the mirror. Like looking at Frankenstine. My face is covered in scars of the pain I have caused. My son hears us fight and is afraid we are going to seperate our family. I have an affair for years that hurts my wife beyond my own thoughts. Frankenstine is alive in my reflextion.

Teach and I sat him down and talked to him. To reassure him that its ok that mommy and daddy are talking. He even said daddy never says much. But that we love him and that won't ever change.

Life as a WS is not something I thought would affect my own children. Thought it was something just Teach and I were dealing with. Little did I know. Shows how far my lack of observation goes. The fingers of an affair touch everything and everyone

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