If you're honorable & divorce first.
Of course, catch22, that means the affair never happened.
_________
People like to believe that the ends justify the means. They say they don't But as a species... We look at something good, and it MUST have come from good. So if it's a good marriage, it means the affair was justified. Meanwhile. Bad, and it came from bad. Clearly, the obnoxious kid has bad parents.
Right? Right?
Not that simple.
Good things are born from tragedy, and tragedy follows the best actions.
It does a disservice to all to equate morality with results. Good results do NOT mean the way one got them was justified.
The ends simply don't justify the means.
Ever.
Chesh
Moi : BS MH 30mumble Him : WS Abuse Adultery Addict Six-figure Sociopath = Aaass ... I picked a winner! DDay - 2006 ad naseam Divorced! 2013
justified if the AP was a true soulmate, the couple had a strong connection, and if they were unhappy in their marriage
Is justification for friendship certainly, for divorce perhaps at times (that can be argued...my wife and I've had our troubles but I didn't go looking for a soul mate to help me in my life).
But affairs, they are one thing, and one thing only.
Affairs are betrayal, of a most insidious type.
Your friends don't know shit. Just like me, before my dday.
I thought I knew what it would be like, I had no clue. Before that, I would never have wanted to visit that on to my wife. Now, now that I truly know what it feels like, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
I,still go back to the wedding vows. Ask your friends if they had this exception clause written-in to the vows they spoke during their weddings. Ask them also if they would be ok if their spouse cheated under those circumstances.
It's uninformed, morally bankrupt, shallow thinking.
No affair is justified. Ever. Period.
If you are not happy, leave. End. Of. Story.
If you are not happy, want to look for a soulmate, want to date and see what other options are out there (not that any of that is right), then divorce your spouse first, period. That at least shows respect to them and to yourself. Cheating is a choice. Decisions are made, even if they are made in a split second. There are consequences to all decisions.
I also agree with Nature_Girl, those friends do sound like idiots. If that's truly how they feel, sounds like they are totally open to having affairs themselves if someone comes along and peaks their interest. Do you really think if they were betrayed in this manner by their spouse they would just shrug it off and say, oh, it's ok, you know they just had a stronger connection than we did... I'm fine with it because I want my spouse to be happy and have whatever and/or whoever they want whenever they want them... or, well, I was wrong when I thought we were soulmates because my spouse has assured me that they have found their true soulmate now and I wish them the best? I don't think so. I think they would be just as devastated, hurt, and angry as the rest of us.
If you are in a relationship that you are unhappy in, feel your needs are not being met, meet someone you'd rather be with, etc...GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP.
That simple.
Thing is, when people have affairs, it isn't based in reality, typically. It is all about the fantasy and the clandestine stuff. It's exciting and fun, but the idea of actually leaving their relationship scares the bejeezus out of them. Why? Because deep down they know that the fling likely won't stand up to reality if they were having a legit relationship.
There are always exceptions to the rule on that last bit, though. My dad couldn't stop cheating on my mom through their marriage. She finally threw him out after catching him and his last fling in bed together. They've now been married for 30 years. I still resent the fact that my dad broke so many promises to my mom. He even says their marriage failed mostly because of him, because he never did follow through on any of the things he should have done and doesn't blame my mom for divorcing him.
My husband, knowing this, made a promise to never cheat on me. I told him not to make a promise he couldn't keep. He swore he wasn't. He cheated on me. I still haven't forgiven him for that broken promise.
Integrity is the value at hand here. If you cheat you violate the very foundation of your character.
ME: 33 WBF: 30 Together 10 years 1 doggie, 1 Cat DDay: June 24, 2013 IN R...Working at it every day.
clearly confused jumbo shrimp random order pretty ugly small crowd short wait tiny elephant quiet presence sweet agony JUSTIFIED AFFAIR
Married 6 years. Dating 10. Living together 8.
If a man took his time on earth to prove be for he died what on man's life could be worth I wonder what would happen to the world
- Harry Chapin
