Gently, what are you doing to recover? Are you in IC?
What about your H - NC, IC, honest, transparent, MC?
I am not good enough to have a faithful husband
That sort of thinking is a giant trap, and it's absolutely untrue. You didn't fail - your H did. You're loving, lovable, capable, a fully worthwhile person - for a while at least, your H just didn't measure up to you or to anyone else - he gave up some of his humanity.
If you want to R, you need to give him the opportunity to win you back - you don't have to win him.
It sounds like you need help seeing these truths, and I think IC is about the only type of help that does what you need.
Also, you sound depressed to me, and you say you're anxious. Have you considered meds?
[This message edited by sisoon at 12:07 PM, March 29th (Saturday)]