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Foolme1 posted 3/29/2014 09:15 AM

I'm sorry for all the posts. I just don't want to burden my family with this. They hate him anyways from the first round of affairs, so I haven't told them yet about this round. It ready for "I told ya so". Anyways. Still awkward silence between us. Simple questions asked and answered. Last night, I told dd it was time for bed, she said she wanted to sleep in my room. So she went and laid down with her daddy while I slept in her room. She came in to my room and asked me to sleep with her and daddy but I told her I was already comforable. I said she can have a sleepover with daddy tonight and a sleepover with mommy tomorrow. She was ok. Then This morning he comes in and just angrily asks "do you want to go lay down with dd?" (He was getting ready to leave, classes on Saturdays). I'm just angry. Sad. Confused as to why he thinks I have no right to be angry and ignore him. I have nothing to say to him, yet because I choose not to talk to him right now, I am a child.

I just want this done. I got extremely sad last night watching my little girl play with her daddy and just thought "her little world is about to fall apart...). It crushed me. All she's ever known will be ripped from under her.

No real point to this post. Just sad.

Mom4ever posted 3/29/2014 10:57 AM

(((foolme1)))

I'm so sorry you find yourself dealing with this again. If I am reading what you are saying correctly, you have made the decision to end it. I am sure you will hear the I told you so stories, but please try and hold your head up and remember you gave him the priceless gift of a second chance and he is the one that threw it away. No one deserves a second chance, but you gave it to him. I am sure it had a lot to do with your dd. Now you can honestly look her in the eyes whenever she gets old enough and asks you the hard questions and tell her you gave this relationship everything you had and tried with all you had but in the end he is the one that threw it away. You can also tell your family and friends the same plus that you did give him that undeserved second chance because of your dd and wanting her to have the family unit she deserves. It shoes you are a very loving mother who puts her child's needs before her own.

Now is the hard part of actually ending it. Now you have to live the example of the life you want for her to her. Show her how to be a strong independent woman with morals and value. That is the greatest gift you can give her. In my husband's family his grandfather did this to his grandmother, his father did this to his mother. Although I thought he was different, he wasn't. And I had to make the decision that it stops here. I have to show my sons this is wrong and unacceptable. I have to show my daughter that she deserves more and you don't have to settle for less.

kate0421 posted 3/29/2014 11:01 AM

(((Hugs)))
I can relate to the feeling about your dd losing all she knows. I'm kinda in a limbo while trying to get myself "prepared" to be on my own. I look at my kids and feel horrible. Not one ..not one couple in my family has stayed together. I feel like a bad mother for not just "putting up" with this all. I feel so guilty. It's going to be so much harder, we will have to live in a apartment, I won't get to spend as much time with them if I have a full time job and being a full time student. They will barely see their daddy. He works Mon-sat 6a-7p.. they always see him morning and night and on sun. But without those little mornings and kisses goodnight, he will be gone to them. My daughter would never have the relationship my son has with his dad. My 7yo is Soooo sensitive. It would completely crush him. I know it's not my fault but I can't help thinking it will be my fault if I leave and don't give EVERYTHING I have. But what is everything? When is it enough? Ugh
I'm sorry your WH like mine just doesn't "get it"

Mom4ever posted 3/29/2014 11:03 AM

Virginiagirl posted 3/29/2014 11:27 AM

Please please don't feel guilt. Don't let HIM make you feel guilt. He shouldn't say a damn thing to you that has any anger in it- but he is. He's mad at YOU for being upset?!

Don't let him play you that way. Know that you are not failing your daughter in any way!! He is/did. It's so, so sad that she won't have a mom/dad household, but you know what? You have 2 options now- an unhappy, united household (speaking from experience, NOT fun for kids) or a new reality of 2 households without the tension. You can't go back in time, you have to move forward with the new status quo- that HE created.

She WILL be okay. You will show her how to be a woman with strength, with self respect. That lesson is so important for girls. When she is old enough to understand, she will respect you for it and respect herself more as a young woman.

(And you WILL be okay, too. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time)