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The TT

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soloney posted 3/29/2014 09:25 AM

What causes the TT to stop and how to recover?

My dday was nearly 12 months ago and only now have I gotten full disclosure and true remorse. My WH was TT for this entire time. WH claims he was "protecting" me from the truth. I'm still not sure why he decided to be fully honest with me. I was constantly asking him the same question because his answers didn't sit well with me. Then one day his story changed and he told me every, told me the EA was actually PA and there was another OW. Things have changed from that day. For the first time I feel like he is trying. But I struggle with the fact that he lied for so long. Did he not see the pain and devastation he was causing with his lies?

TT sucks

4everfaithful83 posted 3/29/2014 10:30 AM

TT is the worst! Its all about the WS protecting themselves and being cowards. My WBF told me that he TT (for 3 months) because he was terribly afraid I'd leave him forever if I knew the truth. How selfish is that!!??

For me, the lying and TT was worse than the actual affair! It only furthered my thinking that our relationship meant nothing to him and that I wasn't worth being honest with. It also made me feel like the OW got something that I didn't get. Such bullshit.

Of course he saw the pain and devastation his lies were causing, but he cared more about himself than he did you, at that moment. Sounds like he may finally be "getting it" now though...

I'm sorry you are in pain today.

kate0421 posted 3/29/2014 10:45 AM

I'm 6 month out and I know my WS is TT. It's what hurts the most, I know something isn't right, I know he isn't telling me everything. I guess I just don't know how long I am going to wait for him to tell me. I think the longer they TT, the longer it will take to R. Or to even want to R. The lies are way worse than the act. I found out years later. I asked him one night and saw his face, I knew something was off, told him to take a polygraph and then he confessed ... He said he was going to take it to the grave. He has changed ( I have noticed over the years all the changes he has made, and I stupidly was telling him things like "I'm so proud of you and the man you have become"
But now I need him to be open and express his emotions with me ( wow didn't realize how hard that could be for some )
But I agree the TT is the worst

kate0421 posted 3/29/2014 10:45 AM

I'm 6 month out and I know my WS is TT. It's what hurts the most, I know something isn't right, I know he isn't telling me everything. I guess I just don't know how long I am going to wait for him to tell me. I think the longer they TT, the longer it will take to R. Or to even want to R. The lies are way worse than the act. I found out years later. I asked him one night and saw his face, I knew something was off, told him to take a polygraph and then he confessed ... He said he was going to take it to the grave. He has changed ( I have noticed over the years all the changes he has made, and I stupidly was telling him things like "I'm so proud of you and the man you have become"
But now I need him to be open and express his emotions with me ( wow didn't realize how hard that could be for some )
But I agree the TT is the worst

Virginiagirl posted 3/29/2014 11:46 AM

I just told my WH the other night that the TT period (which is still ongoing, he won't tell me shit) is what really killed any chances.

I think part of is is that they think that if we know the truth, we'll definitely leave. They don't understand that the wondering, etc is way worse, that our imaginations are way worse.

I think the reason it hurts so much is that it adds to the sense that the trust we had can never come back. That feeling of being a single unit together, of sharing everything, is shattered. And every single time they cover up, or minimize, or deflect, it's like they are grinding that shattered trust under their heels a little more.

The TT absolutely is worse than the affair. I can understand being caught up in a whirlwind of emotion, self absorption, etc. But once reality/Dday hits, to CONTINUE??? I can't ever get past that.

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