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Newest Member: Else (61873)

User Topic: Old friendships
♀ 41956
Member # 41956
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not sure why I'm struggling with this. Since DDay, I haven't really spent any time with any friends. I had made plans tomorrow to spend time with a friend (definitely a friend of the marriage, and BH-approved), but I'm getting like, anxious about it. I'm feeling almost like I'm abandoning BH while all the while he has made such positive changes for us and made such an effort to spend quality time together.

I've always been more social than him and used to spend a lot of time out of the house before the A, while he was more of a home-body. Is it that I feel like this is pre-A behavior that's causing my anxiety?

I also just want to make sure he believes who I'm going to be with and that he feels safe and comfortable. He says he is, and she is picking me up at our place so he will see himself. But then I expressed how I feel a little strange about it and I'm worried it's now made him suspicious. I can't really seem to express to him why I feel weird.

I don't know if the answer is to not go, because I should still maintain some friendships right? Or should I wait until I feel more comfortable?

Anyone else have trouble getting back into normalcy like this? Suggestions??

Me - WW, 33
Him - BH, 37
Dday - 12/16/13
TT - 12/15/14

Posts: 358 | Registered: Jan 2014
♂ 26859
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does the friend know about the A?

The first couple times post-A when I would meet a friend, it would feel awkward because of this huge "thing" that I had done, and also it was weird because the friend would be BS-approved, a friend of the M, but maybe the friend didn't know anything had happened. So, there's this huge elephant in the room that only you can see.

then there is the whole "having a good time" thing...when you're off spending time with someone other than the BS, you probably generally feel like shit, or sad, or whatever, and you will feel any happiness you might experience out with this friend may either be false, or that you don't deserve to feel any happiness, especially if your BS isn't there with you to share.

I think it's generally a fake it until you make it thing. It's a step that has to be taken, but you won't know if you're ready for it until you do it.

I'd say give it a chance and see how it goes. Be normal. Try to take the experience for what it is. Have a debrief with your BH when you get home and talk about how you felt.

WH - 46 (crap...)
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6114 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Tri-Cities
Topic Posts: 2

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