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Newest Member: silenceisnotgold (46036)

User Topic: Any advice on getting through seeing the OW?
crushed72
♀ 38944
Member # 38944
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had planned to take my 3 kids skiing tonight with a friend. I mentioned it to my ex a few days ago because we were discussing visitation times.

Today I get a text which says he and his whore (OW) decided to go too. He said "The net effect of this is that she is going but no need for us to ski together..."up to you".

The OW was a friend of mine and her husband was my ex's close friend. I have not seen her since DDay but she has been living with ex since he left a couple months after DDay which was last March.

I am still going because if I don't they win and I'm so sick of losing!!! How do these people function without any sort of conscience?


Me (BS) 41
Him (WH) 42
M 15 years 3 kids
DDay: 3/13
Status: divorce final 1/13/14

Posts: 5 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: US
Starzjourney
♀ 41287
Member # 41287
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am still going because if I don't they win and I'm so sick of losing!!!

Good for you!!!! (((crushed)))

How do these people function without any sort of conscience?

Cuz 2 f'd up people are validating the others f'dupedness...

BE BEAUTIFUL, just as you already are!!!!!!!!!!


Posts: 146 | Registered: Nov 2013
freeatlast72
♀ 42758
Member # 42758
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to deal with OW at T-ball games and she still lives across the street--ugh!

I do not speak to her, I just IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE! Sometimes I stare her down, just like the SKANK that she is! I am at the games to support my daughter!

Yes, I too have realized that cheaters have no conscience.....You got this!!

[This message edited by freeatlast72 at 2:55 PM, March 29th (Saturday)]


BS:41 (me)
WH: 41
Kids: DD6
DDay: 12/31/2013
Married 15 years
Separated as of 01/16/2014,now divorcing...WH did not want to reconcile.

You can't rationalize irrational behavior.


Posts: 135 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: North Carolina
RedWheelBarrow
♀ 38966
Member # 38966
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So courageous! You go.
Me, I am sure I would throw up, or pass out or something.
I hope they don't put on a happy-couple show in front of you.
Have fun with your babies.


Me: BW 50
Him:"Rockstar" late 50's
DS: 11
Married 14 years, together 17 years
DDay #1 Nov.2012, plus more, more, more!
OW : 25 years younger than him, left her BH for my prize beast.
He moved in with her April,2013.
Divorced!

Posts: 154 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: NW
Williesmom
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fuck that. I would take the kids somewhere else to ski.

I certainly don't need that shit in my life.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7866 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
dmari
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"The net effect of this is that she is going but no need for us to ski together..."up to you"
WTF? Hell NO to skiing together. Is he that stupid? Don't answer ~ I know the answer. I'm sure they are hoping that you will agree to ski together because that will mean that what they did was acceptable and not a big deal.

Good for you for going and you WILL have a fantastic time! If I were you, I would just ignore her. Pretend she is not even there. Look right through her. Don't give her the satisfaction that her presence irritates you. Focus on having a great time with your friend and kids!! Have fun!


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2335 | Registered: Oct 2012
lastdance
♀ 42401
Member # 42401
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

why.......why ......would you go?????......stay away from them.......you are sending the message that what they did to you and your families is ok .......you are accepting their betrayal......what are you teaching your daughters here.....that it is ok to cheat and betray people.......wow what are you doing??......STAY AWWY FROM THEM>>>>>>>

Posts: 153 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: orlando, fl
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like a good reason to not tell him any of your plans ever again!!!!

I hope the skiing goes well. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...tell yourself that!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4235 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
BtraydWife
♀ 42581
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you make juvenile faces at them both the whole time? You know-inside your head.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 2607 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
crushed72
♀ 38944
Member # 38944
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've definitely learned my lesson on not sharing my plans! I will NOT be skiing anywhere near them as my 5 year old is just learning and I will be on the bunny hill with him for most of the time.

I know in some ways it would be better to just not go. I've backed down before and I'm just sick of it. I have done nothing to be ashamed of and will not retreat this time.

This is going to be difficult and uncomfortable but I need to pretend it does not bother me even though just the thought is making me nauseous. I have not taken any in awhile, but I have a prescription for Ativan and I will bring some with me in case the anxiety becomes too much.


Me (BS) 41
Him (WH) 42
M 15 years 3 kids
DDay: 3/13
Status: divorce final 1/13/14

Posts: 5 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: US
Helen of Troy
♀ 26419
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You wear your best outfit, the one you feel most confident. Ignore like she is not even there. If you have to be in same room, and it gets weird take out cellphone and text yourself.
In the future don't share your plans.
This is still so new for you. It's always rotten but it does get easier or you just get better.

Posts: 4728 | Registered: Dec 2009
IrishLass518
♀ 34373
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Any advice on getting through seeing the OW?"
Yeah, don't kill her.
In the future just say I (we) have plans and leave it at that. I am at a loss to why they want to be skiing with you and your children. Did they not get the message that you aren't one big happy family?


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1815 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
PurpleRose
♀ 33129
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Color me confused... Why are you all going skiing together? Did he just invite himself on your trip or am I missing something here??


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3631 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
k8la
♀ 38408
Member # 38408
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I'd be so tempted to point her out to a few kinds souls on the hill as the one who put the hurt on your children - some "bikers against child abuse" kind of people - just ask them if they could stand between your family and her while your children learn to ski. Let her feel like the pariah and interloper that she is...

Posts: 173 | Registered: Feb 2013
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ignore her and him. Parasites the both of them.

What are the chances of them coming over to 'say hello' to the kids? ie: fuck with your head.

I'd be tempted to tell him they'd better give you a wide berth as you don't want them encroaching on your time with your kids.

I have yet to see OWUmpteen. I would absolutely tell her to get the hell out of my face if she ever dared approach me. She doesn't get to be in my presence - now or ever.

Don't share your plans with him. What a loser, seriously.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5734 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
devistatedmom
♀ 24961
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I made it clear to my WXH during S that he had better not ever be stupid enough to bring his whore anywhere that he knew I would be. I promised him it would not end well. She was never in my space.

He has a new GF now, and I laugh...I still wasn't happy that he was bringing her to my son's sporting events, but, he waited the time specified in our papers, so I sucked it up. I just avoided. One day, her and I ended up within a few feet of each other as my son won a tournament and everyone was trying to get pictures. When she realized I was beside her, she RAN! I laughed and laughed for weeks. I never even looked at her. She must have been told I had special powers.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5628 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
CheshCat
♀ 27546
Member # 27546
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is actually why I go waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out of my way to keep my ex from knowing where I'm going to be.

Granted, I have to leave my phone behind (he tracks it), not tell others (ESP my kids who get grilled).

So you probably won't have to go that far.

If he knows about my plans, he does his level best to ruin them.
So I go to lengths to keep him from knowing about my plans.
When I can't keep him from knowing, I feed misinformation.
Like he thinks we're going to x pass to ski, and we're going to y pass. Or x theatre, when it's y theatre.

We're divorced.
He has NO business keeping tabs on my location & activities.

Sounds like yours wants to be "friends".
Which could be cool.
I have a lot of friends who ARE friends with their exes.
That makes me all warm & glowy for them.
It's really awesome when that can be how a divorce works.
A lot more like one big extended family.

But it's not how my divorce works.
He's evil, and needs to stay out of my life.
Now... I actually like his current wife (she makes my kids life a zillion times better).
I might meet up with HER socially.
She's pretty freakin awesome.
But not my ex.

CC

[This message edited by CheshCat at 5:29 PM, March 29th (Saturday)]


"Another conversation killed awkwardly! Yes! Point to my side." - Chesh's Brother

Moi : BS MH 30mumble
Him : WS Abuse Adultery Addict Six-figure Sociopath = Aaass
... I picked a winner!
DDay - 2006 ad naseam
Divorced! 2013


Posts: 571 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: West Coast US
nolight
♀ 32785
Member # 32785
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Huh, how weird! I normally advocate ignoring but perhaps in this case you could text back
"That's a very strange thing to want to do"

It's pointing out the stupidity of his actions in a detached, superior manner keeping you in the power position and will hopefully deter them from going.

[This message edited by nolight at 6:17 PM, March 29th (Saturday)]


Did she make you cry, make you breakdown and shatter your illusion of love? And is it over now and do you know how to pick up the pieces and go home? - Fleetwood Mac

Posts: 529 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Hawaii
sparkysable
♀ 3703
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think they've got a lot of audacity to go to the same place you are going. Especially with the double betrayal of her and her BS being former friends of yours. I'd say that's balls.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3564 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
crushed72
♀ 38944
Member # 38944
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I ran into them while I was in the ski shop buying gloves for my son. My friend said I should go and she'd stay and pay for the gloves. Nope. I was there first.

Ex actually started to have a casual conversation with me. I just told him that they need to leave the store and stay away from me.

They left. She smirked at me the whole time. They are both selfish hateful people.


Me (BS) 41
Him (WH) 42
M 15 years 3 kids
DDay: 3/13
Status: divorce final 1/13/14

Posts: 5 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: US
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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