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Mourning the "loss" of something you never had

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mal2006 posted 3/29/2014 15:39 PM

Decided to watch Look Who's Talking (oddly enough didn't trigger me) and now I'm watching Look Who's Talking Too. All I can think is how much I want a baby and how it'll be forever before I'll have one now. WH and I had all these plans of starting to try when I got out of school then BOOM DDay. Ugh. I was stuck because of my own drinking problem before and now that I want to move forward in life I can't because of what he has done. I know you all understand as we are all mourning the loss of something, whether it is something we already had or something we feel we may now never have. Anyway, just needed to vent to someone besides WH.

norabird posted 3/29/2014 15:59 PM

I'm sorry. This may be cold comfort, but one day you will be glad that you waited to have a baby until you knew you were bringing the child into a stable situation. After all, if you had one before this, it would be that much more complicated. And you are young--there is time, truly. The future may be different than you had dreamed but your baby can still be part of it.

But I absolutely understand being sorry for losing your vision of the future. It hurts.

mal2006 posted 3/29/2014 16:13 PM

Thanks, norabird. I am very thankful that I waited because no child should ever have to deal with these situations. None of us should have to deal with them either.

LifeIsTooWeird posted 3/29/2014 17:00 PM

I was a couple of years older than you when my first marriage ended. My parents told me I still had time for babies. I met my guy a year after the divorce. He told me then he didn't think he'd make a good father. We both figured eventually if it happened it happened. It didn't happen! What did happen is I spent probably the last good child bearing years with a man that told me he didn't want kids and then cheated on me. If you want kids, or anything else in your life, you will find a man that shares some or all those dreams, but don't settle for the first guy that comes along. Figure out what you want and when you want it and go out and get it :)

Ostrich80 posted 3/30/2014 02:27 AM

Smart move to wait but yet its a painful decision I'm sure. I hope all of your dreams come true and you have a houseful of beautiful babies one day. Seems like we all have something that got put on hold due to selfish behaviors of the ones we chose.

kate0421 posted 3/30/2014 07:23 AM

I know this must be sad for you, but my youngest had just turned 11 months on DDay... I have been so upset, I feel like I am missing out on most, if not half the good stuff. I cry about it all the time. That this is most likely my last child and I'm missing out on some of the best times because of this damn roller coaster ride
I think it's a good thing you are waiting.

BtraydWife posted 3/30/2014 09:32 AM

This must be hard for you and I'm sorry it is.

I think you want more than just a baby though. You want the family and support that a loving and happy marriage provides and what it would mean to add the blessing of a child to that situation.

It will be so much better when it's right. ((mal2006))

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