SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I am so frustrated. Post-divorce has been hell. It's been 3 mo's since the divorce was finalized but prior to that 3 years of separation. This was a long time coming & in the works.

He seems incapable of handling both of our children (and always has been since he left us) because he is so self absorbed, and if I could clinically diagnose him I would say he's bipolar. He can go from talking to me calmy to raging mad in a few hours. And we are limiting our talks to kids only now. I have learned.

For example, today I'm ill w/ the flu. He agreed to watch kids this afternoon. I told him our daughter had a school carnival she wanted to attend this evening and I had promised her she could go. He very unwillingly said he would take her but acted like a baby and said he really didn't want to in front of her. He just ruins everything for everyone.

i'm so tired of it all. he should be capable of handling our kids when I cannot. He does not take them for weekends. I just want to almost say pull the plug and talk to my attorney about his lack of visits and attention towards them. I never ever thought I would say this but he is a dead beat dad. Yes he pays child support but that's it. I have an 8 yr old who literally looks for her dad. She will call and text him and he won't respond. I talk about it with her and then distract her with activity. I think with time & maturity she will figure out what he is like. Our son, 3, doesn't really care one way or the other. He doesn't spend hardly any time with dad and that's dad's choosing...........

Any advice? I feel like this is one of the hardest times of our life. Daughter is dealing with her anger/frustration, son is growing up okay, but lacks a male role model, and me.........Im stressed to the max trying to hold down the fort at home & at work.

I really think in the future if I am ill or have plans I do not need to contact him. I will find a babysitter or friend to care for the children. I don't have much family that can help. I should have no obligation to ask him first for help w/ our children because he just makes things more chaotic and troublesome for us.

Again it's his way of "control' for me to ask him 1st....

When I meet with my lawyer I also need to talk to her about the harrassing calls/texts I receive from him (ex). I've tried to start a life a long time ago plus now post divorce. But he will harrass me all night long if he has the kids & I go out even for dinner w/ a girlfriend because he knows in his "gut" I'm with a man. This guy has issues. I know.......I don't know how to have my own life. I have thought about moving. Even to a town a few miles away. We're in a small tight knit community and I live near my parents & HE is 10 min's away. IDK what the hell to do. I'm feeling no hope & down. Depressed. yep I know.

Take a note of every incident - put together you may have something to go on.

Take your Ls advice about the harassing texts. You may need to send a cease and desist letter.

I understand you can't turn your phone off or block him when he has the kids. Unfortunately he knows this too which is why he does it.

Do you have FRR in your agreement? If not then I would make other arrangements other than rely on him. If you do have it them I'm afraid you are stuck having to give him first right of refusal.

Unfortunately there is no legal way to make them decent or even competent parents. The best you can do is expect shit behaviour and shift your focus from hoping he'll change to helping your kids navigate his shitty parenting. That is where I am at now.

The sad clown and I share 50/50. He has moved house twice in the last year. We each have the girls on alternate weekends - he has moved with them the last 2 times. My poor girls - imagine moving with kids when you don't have to? He is happy to waste a whole weekend with his kids rather than miss out on a weekend to himself. Shit Parenting 101. My big girl seeks his affection most - it is hard to watch her face rejection after rejection. Harder when he has them 50% of the time. They are plonked in front of a TV or a computer game rather than have a father who cherishes his time with them.

In the long run they may still seek his affection but they'll know I'm always there for them. Interested and invested in them. Unconditional love personified. He will reap what he sows.

[This message edited by SBB at 11:51 PM, March 29th (Saturday)]