I am, at this moment, involved in a back and forth series of jocular texts with my ex. This is because he has been back in contact with his fOW and I am...jealous!
He wants me to like him (does not want to be with me, but it helps with his guilt if we connect), and I know that this desire of his bothers the fOW (and was part of the reason they broke up). I think I am going crazy. I know exactly how this ends, I have done it many times now.
The best I ever felt was when I was able to go for a long time with absolutely no contact. I need to find my inner strength and self respect again.
I need to let it go already.
I hear about him with other women and I feel nothing. He can move on with anyone but her. I see my IC next week and I will be so ashamed to tell her about this.
I know it's messed up, I am already hitting myself with 2X4s, but feel free to clobber me. I just can't seem to move on...I get sucked back in.