I am so sorry. I cant tell you how much I wish I had better words.
Winston Churchill once said, "this isnt the end, it isnt even the begining of the end, but maybe it is the end of the begining."
My thoughts are with you jaded
You are going to survive this!
Check out the 180 and begin it asap:
It is for you and your healing - not to get your wh to do anything, ok?
Keep posting - we got your back.
Is pure and utter Bee Ess! Selfish, entitled asshattery!
Write this down and post it on the fridge, the bathroom mirror, and the bedroom ceiling:
You did not cause him to have an affair.
180 his selfish ass!
(READ THE TARGETED-ICON THREADS - I bamp, bemp, bimp, bomp, bumped them for you)
[This message edited by jjct at 9:54 AM, March 30th (Sunday)]
Make sure you keep in contact with your doctor/therapist... This is going to be a bumpy ride and you may need help with meds....
Behind that, get to reading the 180 and focus on you and your boys.....
Seek legal advice.... Get tested for STDs...
Post here, post often... The people here are brilliant and a wealth of information and advice.
Just please, whatever you decide, please do not accept responsibility for his crap under the guise of it being something you could control. You couldn't.
[This message edited by BeautifulEmpty at 1:11 AM, April 1st (Tuesday)]
I couldn't help but notice how you kept rationalizing how you may have contributed to what he did. Am I right about that? Is this an attitude that comes from your WH? Does he do this about other things as well? It's concerning to me that you and he hold you partially responsible for his actions. I want to say this very gently, because I know you're reeling right now. But that's abusive behavior. It's abuse to blame you for things beyond your control (such as an affair). It's not true, and it's not love when he says that.
You asked why he waited a year to do this again. I have two answers. Firstly, he probably didn't wait, you just didn't catch him while you were trying to recover from PPD after your 5th son was born. And secondly, he did this because he's selfish. It's the absolute height of selfishness to cheat on someone. And it's unimaginable to me (and I'm sure you as well) that he cheated on the woman bore who his children. It's horrific.
I'm so sorry for this pain you are in. I pray for strength and peace for you, as well as wisdom to know what to do next. I know it's so confusing. Please take time to read all the articles in the Healing Library, it really will help you.
Big hugs ((((((jaded7)))))),