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olwen posted 3/30/2014 10:43 AM

Hi all,

This is my second post today. The first was lovely and this one not so much so I wanted to separate them.

Friday marks the antiversary of h bringing ow home 'for me to meet'.

He was trying to get her to see who they were hurting so she would agree to break off the A. It was a last ditch attempt on his part as she wouldn't listen to him when he tried to end it.

So, they were still working together, he was still trying to keep her happy so she wouldn't tell me about the A, but at the same time trying to cool it with her and bring me into their conversations more so she would hopefully back off.

Well, it backfired on him because when he showed her photos of the nail art I was doing she took my number and asked if I would do her nails. Of course I was happy to have a guinea pig to practice on, I had no clue anything was going on.

Apparently H tried to stop her but she kept saying there was no harm, that they were 'just friends' again and I needn't know anything.

So he gave in. He never could stand up to her.

I have social phobia and as very bad around new people so he brought her home after work to meet me on the Friday and the nails were planned for the Saturday.

I have never seen him so uncomfortable around anyone. We actually hit it off on the Friday and the next day she was really happy with her nails but she was acting so strange and saying odd things about herself and also about mine and h's relationship. She seemed to know everything about us (of course!) and thoroughly enjoyed telling me how she uses men for what she can get out of them and all sorts of bizarre stuff. We couldn't get rid of her but eventually she got the hint and stormed out in a temper.

That was when I realised something had gone on and confronted H. Over the next few days I got tt, then more tt until he confessed sex two months later. But that day was the start of me realising he was cheating.

Right, to the point now. H's parents are crazy about out local football team and so is DS. Since the A H has taken him to a few games to spend more time with him, and his parents. All good.

The problem is his parents have just got tickets to a game....for Saturday!

H didn't realise the date but immediately offered to change the tickets for another game. I don't want him to do this as DS is excited and his parents will wonder why. They know about the A and have been supportive of me (mostly, we have a fraught relationship) but MIL advice is to look forward not back. So I don't feel comfortable with him changing tickets.

I only have to get through a few hours on my own (I can't go to the game) but those few hours are when she was here.

I see her all over my house at the best of times but this was the day I held her hands as I painted her nails, I saw her flirting with H, I saw his deer in the headlight responses to her, she told me her life story and all her problems.

I felt such a fool and so angry with H for bringing her here.

Does anyone else have any other tips on getting through the day and the memories? I don't want to spoil ds's day at the football and it is father/son/grandparents day together. I don't want them to cancel or postpone that. It's not like he is going to a bar somewhere, it's just a few hours in the afternoon with his family.

I am stuck in the house without H as I have an anxiety disorder. My best friend already has plans for that afternoon so I need to keep busy or do something to exorcise her memory.I have decided to do some batch cooking that day to keep my mind off her as much as I can.

Does anyone have anymore ideas?

Lowlow posted 3/30/2014 14:16 PM

Listen to some music that makes you happy or calm. Have a nice bath. Burn some incense. I guess do something nice for yourself

Or talk to a good friend on the phone. None of my friends or family know of the A but hearing their voices and not talking about "it" with them has always been cathartic for me

Alexisk17 posted 3/30/2014 14:49 PM

No ideas really, just wanted to say that I'm sorry. Yesterday was antiversary of our Dday, I have been dreading this day for months. Keep busy but give yourself permission to be sad/ angry/ upset etc. for a while if you feel that would help. There is no reason to hold it all together, especially if you are alone. Run a hot bath, drink some wine and cry... Then once your done get dressed and go about your day.

Kelany posted 3/30/2014 19:55 PM

Take the time to cleanse your home of negative energy.

olwen posted 3/31/2014 02:30 AM

Thanks everyone, some really good ideas there. Can't believe it never occurred to me to just let myself be sad. I spend so much time trying not to be but it might be just what I need.