Its been 3 yrs since Dday and I've been dragging my feet on providing a much needed timeline to BS. Every time I start it I get blocked after writing the start up incident. Its going to be the undoing of any hope of R if I can't get this down on paper. I've went over this whole thing in my head and its clear to me that the A's were not a way for some excitement or attention but rather part of a destruction path I was on that more like a numbing tool along with some heavy drinking over the years. I wasn't intoxicated during each incident but the need to get intoxicated followed afterward. My head was so far up my ass that I was living day to day wishing most days would be my last. I was running from every turbulent emotion that would be tearing at my core being. My story is a long drawn out one riddled with Foo issues, displacement, childhood sex abuse. I don't know if I can dig down into myself without someone there to catch me me when I push past this block and I'm scared to think my BS would have to be that person and would he? After 3 yrs of drawn out hurt I would understand if he doesn't have it in him to. I'm not sure how to remove stop sign. Replys welcome.
[This message edited by futuredreaming at 11:40 AM, March 30th (Sunday)]
