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futuredreaming (original poster new member #42946) posted at 6:21 PM on Sunday, March 30th, 2014
Its been 3 yrs since Dday and I've been dragging my feet on providing a much needed timeline to BS. Every time I start it I get blocked after writing the start up incident. Its going to be the undoing of any hope of R if I can't get this down on paper. I've went over this whole thing in my head and its clear to me that the A's were not a way for some excitement or attention but rather part of a destruction path I was on that more like a numbing tool along with some heavy drinking over the years. I wasn't intoxicated during each incident but the need to get intoxicated followed afterward. My head was so far up my ass that I was living day to day wishing most days would be my last. I was running from every turbulent emotion that would be tearing at my core being. My story is a long drawn out one riddled with Foo issues, displacement, childhood sex abuse. I don't know if I can dig down into myself without someone there to catch me me when I push past this block and I'm scared to think my BS would have to be that person and would he? After 3 yrs of drawn out hurt I would understand if he doesn't have it in him to.
[This message edited by SI Staff at 7:21 PM, March 30th (Sunday)]
Guss ( new member #39113) posted at 6:40 PM on Sunday, March 30th, 2014
Futuredreaming,
I admire your keenness to come up with a timeline.
I am a BS also trying to R with WW. We will be clocking 1 year in a painfully slow R in a month. I have also been dying for a detailed time line from my WW. Unfortunately, what she has produced leaves out so many gaps, it is useless. Admittedly she has no clue how to craft one neither do I know how to demand what I want. I am watching this space to learn how the veteran WSs and BSs with stories or examples of effective timelines to share.
Still hurting,
Guss
futuredreaming (original poster new member #42946) posted at 6:57 PM on Sunday, March 30th, 2014
Thanks for the reply Guss, it is no keeness on my part for a timeline, it is what my BS needs to make progression from his hurt. I do want to give him what he needs very badly. The problem is that time and time again it comes out on paper as emotional recollection and distress rather than just factual information. Its like being color blind and not able to recall the colors just the shapes. I don't know if that made sense or not. I'm sorry so many people here are hurting over the poor choices made by us WS.
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