Dday #1 February 14, 2003. He had a short lived EA/PA(no sex but that could be a lie). We went to MC but it didn't really help because he didn't try at all. I don't know why I stayed. Wish I hadn't.
Dday #2 March 17, 2014. OW called me at work. She claims she is pregnant. Totally caught me off guard. A. Couple of days before was my birthday and we had a conversation about cheating with him swearing he would never hurt me like that again. Later that day, he came and showed me hockey tickets he had won at work for another city. He went to the other city but they weren't his tickets. They belonged to a friend. He just went to bang the Ow. At first, he says it is just once but she starts mass emailing and the details come out. It's been going on for, at least, eighteen months. His Friends all knew. In fact, they all fucked her too. It gets even better.....he had a theeesome with, at least, one of them and her and both of these friends are married.
I don't know what to do. I feel lost and hopeless. I found thousands of emails and texts. I found videos they made. H claims to be remorseful. He wrote her a NC letter. Spends most of his time crying. He isn't really helping me though and I feel like he is crying for himself. We have been together twenty years. We have three kids. I feel like he through that away like we were garbage.
Just had to tell someone.
Please take care of yourself and reach out to family and a close friend or 2 you feel comfortable talking to.
While very difficult, trying to detach from your WH will help in this traumatic time so you can concentrate on you and staying healthy. Definitely try to find a counselor for you as well.
It's hard to imagine people can do these things without a conscience. This woman sounds like a low life and I'm sure she has no clue who the father really is for sure.
Hugs to you. Hang in there. More experienced members will offer more advice soon.
*Finding my strength*
It is incredibly hard for R. My advice. Focus on yourself. Finding yourself again. (I know, hard to do through so much pain and betrayal).
Do the 180 and behave indifferent towards him. Separate if you can. For yourself (but a nice bonus to it-it usually shocks him).
Get access to everything. He will fight you on it. If he doesn't (he is still having the A). DO NOT let him rail road you on that one. If he doesn't...then there is your answer about if there is a M.
Others will post that can relate more to your level of betrayal. Which is horrific and shocking to say the least.
I have all his passwords, access to his phone, email, etc. He has given it all to me. I am reasonably sure there has been NC because she doesn't live here. She did, however, sit outside my house on dday and before dday,she came into my place of employment and had me wait on her. He knew she was going to do it too. She sent me a ton of emails after dday that were brutal.
Sex with her was unprotected even though he knew she was sleeping with other men. He didn't care. He told her he loved her many times. He did every possible thing he could do with her.
He wants to rebuild. He wants to do all the things that he should have done them first time....blah, blah, blah. I want to not wake up tomorrow(no, I am not suicidal). He wants to fix what he has broken. I want to punch him in the face. We went to our first MC appt last week. I felt unheard. The MC actually said that H could not be the one to help me heal because he was the one who hurt me. I also started IC and meds. H has not set up IC. He has started to read a book but its about how to deal with his shame. Nothing about how to help me. I feel like he is wallowing in self pity. I hate this.
You are clearly married to a habitual cheater who doesn't hesitate to expose you to serious health risk as long as he is getting his little pleasures. Your husband is a Jerry Springer's material. If you decide to stay with him you can already start preparing for Dday #3 bucause it is only a matter of time. You can do much better than that.
Samuel Beckett: You're on Earth. There's no cure for this.
[This message edited by adriana1980 at 3:56 PM, March 30th (Sunday)]
Get a new MC. Like tomorrow. The worst mistake I made in my life was not having a good MC. This was 10 years ago, but ours told my STBXWH that he was good at handling things. That has given my STBXWH a pass for just about everything since then.
Seriously, look into someone else if you're even thinking of R. This MC doesn't sound good for you based on what you have posted here.
I can't sleep or concentrate. I can't even cry anymore. I just want off this roller coaster ride.
I couldn't agree more..
Try to find the person you were before you were in this marriage or relationship, if it was somebody you were happy with..
Pursue what makes you feel whole, whether that is beefing up your career or pursuing hobbies that you love or both..
In the end, it is the things that we love to do that will distract us and help us to deal with the BS that our partners put us through..
Having a healthy form of distraction from the bad things in life means everything....
[This message edited by doggiediva at 5:12 PM, March 31st (Monday)]
60 years young..
1. Go to a doctor and ask for anti depressants and anti anxiety meds. I did, and I was terrified to do it, but I got them and they do help. My doctor actually hugged me. Go to a doc in the box the next town over if you are worried about privacy.
2. So sorry sweetie, but STD testing. Ugh. The worst. But your health is so important.
3. Whether you tell the others or not is your choice, and you don't have to decide today. No big decisions today. Take care of you.
4. Counseling, journaling, anything that is an outlet to the feelings. I started an art journal, and I'm not even artsy. I have a marriage book that I hate, so I bought a bunch of sharpies and am very entertained by defacing that book.
5 . Let me know if you want me to punch the bastard in the throat for you. I would do it with pleasure.
You are not alone. I've been dying too. It is the worst.
[This message edited by twitching at 8:39 PM, March 31st (Monday)]
their wives don't know and I doubt either of them used protection either. Should I tell them?
OMG. YES. Please tell them. Have proof, they will want it.
I am so sorry, I know how you feel. My ExWH is a serial cheater too. Gave him a second chance (his request) only to have him stab me in the heart again yrs later.
You WH's OW sounds like a good one
Did she get paid?
Just try to take care of you rignt now. F*ck him and his pity party.
Please make sure you're drinking lots of water/fluids every day and force yourself to eat, if not drink Ensure or Boost. You're going thru the worst part so you must take care of yourself and the basics first. Alcohol will make you feel worse.Get an antianxiety or antidepressant to help for now.
WS is probably crying as a release for the craziness he finally got caught at, and now doesn't know what to do.
I would insist on a paternitiy test to see who really is the father of the baby.
He's been living a lie for a while, day after day after day.
So sorry for you.