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Alyssamd24 (original poster member #39005) posted at 11:21 PM on Sunday, March 30th, 2014
As some of you may or may not know my H has a new job and works second shift.....it has been a few weeks since he has been on the new schedule and it sucks. Unfortunately there is nothing we can do about it, so we are trying to make the best of it.
He is home on Tuesday nights and Wednesday nights, and on the weekends until 1:30. My DD and I see him briefly in the mornings, he usually stays home with her until 8:30 and then brings her to preschool. She is home with him all day on Wednesdays.
My DD is understandably having a hard time adjusting to his new schedule and constantly asks me when Daddy is coming home. We make him pictures or write him letters for him to see when he gets home.
I have also noticed that when he is home my DD tends to act up more....she will be fine with me when its just the two of us, but begins to test us and act differently when he is home. I feel bad for my husband who says she acts like that only because he is here. I dont think that's the case and dont want him to feel that way.
My H has said a few times that this new schedule makes him feel like he did when we were seperated. ...we have very little time together as a family....more often than not its just our DD home with one of us.
I dont know what to do to make this easier for my DD. She is only 4 1/2 and doesn't understand.
Sometimes the worst thing that happens to you.....the thing you think you can't survive....its the thing that makes you better than you used to be.
Lucky2HaveMe ( member #13333) posted at 4:23 PM on Monday, March 31st, 2014
You could try making a calendar with daddy's pic on the days he will be there. That would give her a tangible to view. She could count the # of sleeps til she sees daddy again.
Could you take her to see daddy at work during a break/lunch/dinner that would work for all of you? Not every day, but maybe half way through the longer stretches?
Could daddy call every night to say good night? Read her a book? Maybe record daddy's voice/video so she can *see* him whenever she wants/needs to?
Good luck!
Love isn't what you say, it's what you do.
Kajem ( member #36134) posted at 8:02 PM on Monday, March 31st, 2014
My DD works all sorts of shifts, I am her back up caregiver to DGD(almost 2). DD has videoed herself reading about 4/5 books on my phone. I play them for DGD on the days I get her from daycare and mommy won't be home until after bedtime. I also keep a consistent schedule for DGD.
We meet mommy for dinner or break a few times a week. My DD works fulltime and goes to school(online) fulltime. Dad is not in the picture.
It's tough. But little things like the videos of reading a book, audio of songs do help.
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - UnknownRelationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 8:45 PM on Monday, March 31st, 2014
As someone who worked all different shifts and grew up in a house with Dad doing the same, I think the advice Kajem and Lucky gave you is spot on.
The other thing I would say is extremely important is to make sure she knows you two are happy and love each other when you are together in front of her. I know when we were passing each other at the door it was more of a report and hand off than anything. A hug a kiss, and finding something to laugh about is quite reassuring.
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
metamorphisis ( member #12041) posted at 8:58 PM on Monday, March 31st, 2014
The other thing I would say is extremely important is to make sure she knows you two are happy and love each other when you are together in front of her.
This. My husband just started a job that is too far away to commute so he lives with a relative on week nights. We prepped my ds10 as best we could and thought we had it all worked out. Then he floored us by asking us very seriously if this meant we were getting a divorce. I never would have thought he was thinking that way, but clearly we had missed something.
We eased a lot of his anxiety by explaining that one.
He's older and can understand more but I still find transition days the hardest. He's kind of moody and sullen with his dad when he gets home, even though he has been dying to see him all week. I think it's just overwhelming. And the day daddy leaves to go back to work has been more of the same. He slept in our bed last night to be with him before he left. It's only been 3 weeks, but it is getting a little easier.
Dh and ds Skype at the same time every night and play together. They play an online computer game and chat while they do it, and tonight they are starting a mini work out challenge too! If you get creative, there are some good ways to make it easier. 
Go softly my sweet friend. You will always be a part of who I am.
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