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Do you have "A canary in your mine?"

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Cabrona posted 3/30/2014 19:24 PM

I almost posted this in New Beginnings, but then I thought when i was originally trying to work my way through and/or decide if I could hack my way out my now EX’s infidelity and over-all-fuckedupness, I wish I would have paid more attention to what my cats were trying to tell me… so I am posting it in General for that reason. Because MAYBE it will help someone else in here who will have a lightbulb moment and recognize what their cat or dog is trying to tell them…

I feel so much guilt now… living with my ex there was often so much stress and unpredictable mood swings and temper tantrums. i know now, FINALLY what was going on. He had PTSD from being in the military. There are 2 different kinds of PTSD, the kind that people get from terrible shit that happens to them, and the other kind, that people get from horrific shit that they did to other human beings. The first is somewhat easier to work thru… The second type not so much, unless maybe you are a sociopath, in which case I guess you just don’t give a fuck about anyone but yourself…. Anyway he was not a sociopath, and he was definitely suffering from the second type.

So to get back on subject, he made our 2 cats craAAAzy. Pee on the furniture, lick themselves bald, guano-loco… the cat who was the most emotionally dependent on me, was the one that became the most impossible. Of course. My ex made some ultimatums and i caved. Hence my GUILT and remorse…

The reason I almost posted this in NEW BEGINNINGS forum is i am in the process of extricating myself from a romantic relationship that just does not work for me. He is kind of a control freak to be honest. He is not a bad man, and since it is now a LDR, I was kinda sorta thinking i could just let it slowly peter out… IOW take the lazy cowardly way out… but he is expected to be back on island in 8 days…

However he didn’t just drive me nuts, i have a cat that he used to try to ORDER AROUND in a LOUD VOICE like she was a labrador retriever, not really MEAN, just NOT how you talk to a cat, you know? Anyway, it made her behave very neurotic, and she has developed cancer in the last 2 months, and so now there is no way I am going to make her put up with him in the time she has left… because she deserves better, and so do I.

So, if you have a cat or a dog that is trying to tell you something and SAVE you, please LISTEN.

SI Staff posted 3/31/2014 10:22 AM


Credence posted 3/31/2014 10:34 AM

I don't know much about PTSD but I do know that pets and children are far more intuitive than many of us realise and they pick up on the slightest changes in 'atmosphere' within a home. Cats in particular are quite prone to stress and do act out when they get stressed. Perhaps they felt that he was a threat to your (and their) wellbeing.

brokendancer7 posted 3/31/2014 12:39 PM

I am so sorry you are dealing with all this crazy infidelity stuff as well as your cat's illness. I think you are making the right decision for you and your pet to keep your distance from your ex right now.

We had a sweet, sweet older dog who was blind and diabetic. During H's A, he was often short and impatient with her. I tried to tell him that she was old and sick, and to be more understanding, but he wasn't very nice to either of us. I had to have her put down a month and a half after DD. I often wish I could have had more time and energy to pamper and give her extra attention during her last days, but I was barely getting by, myself. I will always regret that I let my generous, faithful friend down because I was dealing with my cheating, selfish H.

OneFootFirst posted 4/1/2014 02:16 AM

I can't believe I'm seeing this post here. Our dog started acting really clingy towards me right around the time my H's A started. I thought she was sick and trying to get me to pay attention. When it became clear she was fine, I started wondering if I was sick and she was trying to tell me. My sister actually asked me if I was pregnant or something when I pointed out the behavior to her. She's sometimes testy with people for reasons unknown, so I didn't think it was particularly odd that she hated OW (my "friend"). I realized that her behavior change lined up with the timeline a couple of weeks after dday.
Too bad I didn't understand sooner!

refuz2bavictim posted 4/1/2014 02:57 AM

So, if you have a cat or a dog that is trying to tell you something and SAVE you, please LISTEN.

I am so glad to see this post and that others have had similar situations.
Our perfectly healthy dog, began self destructive behaviors...licking herself to the point of creating an infection. Not hotspots or an allergy. We ended up having to medicate her (puppy prozac), but this began and ended in relation to the A along with some other hidden behaviors. Just thinking about the stress she was under makes me feel terrible. I thought there was something wrong with her, but there was letting us know there was something wrong in the family unit. Now I KNOW to pay attention to more than just my pet, but to what may be going on within the family unit.

UKgirl posted 4/1/2014 04:22 AM

I carry guilt about our yellow lab. She just wouldn’t leave my side after d-day. She’d be waiting at the bottom of the stairs in the morning and follow me around. If I sat down, she’d be there on my feet. She’d rest her head on my lap and just look at me. She knew how much I was grieving and it was as if she was trying to help – to take some of my pain. It makes me cry just thinking about how beautiful she was.

A few months later, she began acting strange and we found she had a brain tumour. My poor, sweet Summer was put to sleep and we put her ashes in the garden. The only other person she would go to was DS#2. In her last days, he had some sort of magical touch that soothed her and she seemed to rest under his hands.

I can’t help feeling that my extraordinary and deep ongoing distress caused her anxiety, and so her cancer. She died way too young. Our chocolate lab was absolutely lost and took to sleeping in all her favourite spots.

I often wonder if they “knew” things weren’t right with WH. They often displayed the same melting away as the boys when he walked in through the front door....

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