. I am nearing the two year anniversary of d-day. 1yr 4 mos of TRUE R. Scares me to know that you are still feeling anger so strong after 4yrs. Is this ongoing? Or has the anger subsided until this trigger? I don't understand why you two should be at odds? I had a similar situation occur with a good friend. I handled it in much the same way as you. However, my WH backed me 100%. It really helped me to see that he has changed the way he thinks about this type of thing. You didn't really spell out his reaction in your post. Is he upset w/ you for saying something? Does he think you're overreacting? Or is it just you triggering and lashing out? I do this sometimes, that's why ask. Is he defending her actions? Or does he just not want to talk about it?
I think you should take this opportunity to try to band together with him. Talk to him. You can really gain understanding of his perspective since you are discussing someone else's situation.Ask his thoughts. What does he think of what she is doing? Pick his brain if he will let you. If he is still defensive when you are this far out, is it because he never came clean about what really happened in his affair? My wayward got really upset when my friend was "talking" to another man. He would comment about why she was not going no contact after everything came out and would become angry that her WS was not standing up for himself or requiring NC etc..I'm not understanding why your wayward wouldn't want to support the BS. Is he friends with the BS. Does the other couple know your situation? Is your WH afraid that if you share the SI info you will reveal what he did?