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Is this true R?

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SadInNC posted 3/30/2014 20:41 PM

I want the truth. Lay it om me insofar as you see it. I'm counting on my SI buddies to help me.

It was the usual deal with me finding out (years after the fatct)that he had a PA and an EA for a year with the same woman and all this while my poor mother was sick and dying. I was taking care of her 24/7 so he felt abandoned.

So he carried on this wonderous affair and his mother keeps telling him to leave me. During the entire almost 30 years of our marriage, her agenda was to get him to leave me.

I found this out when I found out about the A. Double whammy since I considered her a friend.

My husband also told me that he confessed his A to my dying mother and she put her arms around him and said I forgive you. She was a good woman. She chose not to tell me that. Instead , I spent almost evey waking hour with her when she was dying and she didm't say much. It was more about connection through prayer, song and touch.

Now we are left to pick up the pieces. My WH has never onced confessed anything of his own accord. I've insisted on NC with the OW and MIL. I insisted on the letter to the OW which consisted of a few lines wrtitten on FB. (big deal) Ater he made the call to his MIL tonight, we both felt badly. I feel that he will never do anything of his own accord. It bothers me. It makes me cry. Like I am not worth fighting for. I have to "make" you fight for me. That's how it's been for us.

It makes me feel like like shit. I want to be worth fighting for!! He told me afterwards that he was "planning" on telling his mother. OH REALLY? WHEN? THE SAME TIME YOU WERE THINKING OF TELLING ME YOU HAD AN AFFAIR? Which translates into NEVER.

He told MIL that she gave him bad advice during our 27 year marriage. She told him time and time again to leaeve me. He told her that he loves me. Then he said that when he confessed his affair to my dying mother, she forgave him and told him that everyone makes mistakes. My mother never once told me to leave his cheating ass!

He then told his mother that he can't talk to her anymore because she's not a friend of the marriage. She wants to see us fail. He said that he loves her bur can't talk to her anymore.

Our hearts are broken tonight. It's just another casualty from his affair. His relationship with his mother. I am sad. I know he is sad.

[This message edited by SadInNC at 10:52 PM, March 30th (Sunday)]

Neverwudaguessed posted 3/30/2014 21:39 PM

Oh, I can so relate to this since my MIL tried to get my husband and his ex back together after they ended the affair and used me to get the message to him to go see her (my MIL) where she had his ex waiting….
This is such a tricky and hurtful situation; it really is a double betrayal. Did you really have to push hard to get hi to confront her? Did he talk from his heart or did you tell him what you needed him to communicate? How was he after the call? Is he resentful for having to cut contact or is he sad that she caused him to have to take such action? Regarding the OW and NC via FB message, did he put up a real fight about it? What did the message say? I personally believe short and uncomplicated sends a bigger message depending on what is said. I don't have a lot of wisdom on this; I just wanted you to know that I hear you.

SadInNC posted 3/30/2014 22:47 PM

THANK YOU FOR RESPONDING. I'm a mess right now. I basically told him what had to be comminicated and that it had to be communicated in english. She didn't want any of that and continued to speak in spanish. After the call, we seperated for a bit, each needing time to deal with it. When he came back in the room he said that he was planning on eventually doing that. Umm,,,really? First I had heard of that. We both feel bad about cutting contact with her. I don't see any other way right now. She is a hater of the marriage and we want to make it work.

With the OW and Fb message, yes there were fights about that. I threw out many lame ass attemps! Finally i had to help write the finished 2 or 3 sentenses that it eneded up being.

I told him today that I want a full letter. A full letter to the OW. Not sure if he can deliver on that one. Ugh. What is my life right now?

[This message edited by SadInNC at 10:58 PM, March 30th (Sunday)]

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